Know More Nonsense

Just another day!

2009-08-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

It’s just another day in the life of two people you probably know. It’s been more than a year since the last thing you knew about them happened. What happened during this one year is anybody’s guess.

Now in the US, he’s 25, she’s a little older than 25. There was something strangely romantic about the fact that she was older. Both of them are early risers now. She wakes up at 6 and he at 7, both alone in their respective suburban apartments in two very distant cities.

He now works for a number crunching firm where he uses his past experience in India, to strategize and optimize diaper stocking at Wal-Marts across the US. He spends countless office-hours facebooking and very frequently twittering updates! He doesn’t particularly dislike his job but there something about his job that makes him want to go into-the-wild. Or may be write a book. Or at least join a business school!

She’s working in a software firm for a year now. She’s spending most of her office time watching trailers and TV series on you tube as she’s not really interested in what she’s doing and she is planning to quit. She’s been planning to quit since a year now!

They sort of still think about each other, sort of as in very often. He is thinking of their first meeting in the resort. She’s thinking about the first photograph they took together. He’s thinking of the first time he made her laugh her lungs out. She’s thinking about their labeled gross conversations they particularly enjoyed! But now, each time they think about talking to each other, they run into emptier spaces, they run into more silence!

He spends his evenings watching football and sometimes trying his hand at what was his dream sometime ago, quizzing. He goes around with people whose company is not what he would have wished for, but at least is better than being alone.

She spends her evenings watching reality shows and then clicking through the facebook albums of her close friends and friends she once knew. She looks at her friends posing with their husbands and babies! She feels a little jealous. At the same time she has a weird kind of sympathy for them. Life was never about just husband and kids, but she, like him, had no idea what it was about. She always had this number in her head though. It was 25. Now it probably is 27. That’s her I-want-to-settle-down age!

They often joked about having a bowl of cereal for dinner all there lives after getting married. After all they were such ‘lazy bums’ to cook anything for themselves!

He cooks his own dinner these days. He’s a master rice-cook now. He cooks rice measuring out cupfuls of it. A marked improvement from when he couldn’t operate the microwave and couldn’t tell Basmati and Sona Masuri apart!

She cooks her own dinner too. She now cooks great Rajma, Dal Makhni , Jeera Aloo and most importantly she now prepares fantabulous decoction coffee . Irony!

They don’t blame each other in their sleep anymore. For them , as someone said, if their is an antagonist of sorts, it is love itself - romantic love, which brought both of them out of their familiar worlds and then won't let them break free of its hold, normally the job of abductively inclined smugglers.

For them, successful relationship remains a story told, a film made; by others. They loved and lost and wept. Silently. But will they move on? Will tomorrow be any different? They doubt!

From a Big Country !

2009-04-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a little more than ten days since i've landed here in this big country! IPL has been my one great source of entertainment here and are the Deccan Chargers not nailing it? I would have loved to watch and support Telangana Biddas though, had their been one ! Office has been another source of entertainment , for all that has happened so far !

Incident 1:
It was my third day in office in Chicago. The first two days were spent trying to locate my desk in a campus that is as big as Bangalore. I hadn't had food in the foodcourt till then and decided to hit the foodcourt right away .Here i was in the food court, reasonably comfortable with the accent and the people around i thought, trying to act like i knew it all. I decided to have a chicken burger and here's what happened :

"Hello sir, may i help you?"

(Wow! did he call me sir? anyways)" Hi, i would like one spicy chicken burger." I said that with such confidence and panache, onlt the CEO of the firm could manage

"Wheat?"

"Yeah" i said casually, though i didn't quiet understand what he meant. I had to sound like a seasoned campaigner. No?

"For here or to go?" he asked with his heavy accent

"Yeah, Varrier" i said

"What sir?"

"Yeah, varrier" i replied back, as if i had "varrier" with sambahr rice everyday back home in India.

The thing was i had mistaken "for here" as "varrier" because of all that i've heard about the cosmopolitan nature of chicago and its cuisines and i assumed "varrier" was some kind of sauce and was nonchalantly saying "Yeah, varrier" each time.

"Good to go sir" he said with a condescending smile, having packed the food in a box !

The champ i was, i happily returned back without even realising what happened, hoping to have spicy chicken with some nice "varrier" sauce !

Incident 2:
One day i was on a call with a client, for anonymity let's call her Nancy.

"Hey Chey..wait let me get this right..chey..than.yaa?"

"Hey Nancy, this is Chaitanya here. And you got that right! Well, almost"

"Am very very particular about names you see. I make sure i get the names absolutely spot-on"

"Yeah, nice to know someone's actually trying. Hehe"

"Okay i need this product's report by today evening"

"Oh! but thats generated offshore. So you could actually shoot a mail to Ramaiah in Bangalore who's working on it"

"Okay i'll do that"

"Copy it to me as well and let me see if i could be of any help"

"Oh sure, Thanks a lot"

"You're welcome"

"Bye"

Within the next five minutes i recieve a mail from Nancy addressed to Ramaiah!

Hey Ramya,
This is Nancy here. COuld you give me a status update from a physician stand-point so that i can touch-base with the stand-in manager and please update me hands-on on the self-starter-package and the productivity-function. Should you need any help call the help-desk at 847-848-7936 without those hyphens in between.
Thanks,
Nancy

Okay Okay ! i made that mail-matter up but the point is Ramya got lost in all those hyphenated buzzwords these guys use and he had to sit all night to generate the report.

But one thing hasn't changed even after coming here. I still recieve very noble sounding mails staing that, in a nutshell, they can help my penis-enlargement ! I didn't totally understand the intricacies of the mail but to cut the story short, there are these bunch of hardcore researchers working in the area of you-know-what and have come up with this medicene that can actually enlarge the middle. For marketing reasons they decided to send free samples to a select few around the globe and somehow i believe, my name came up . That's too hard to believe but i seriously want to suggest a few names and mail Ids to these people. Mr.Nancy, Ramya and Sridhar to start with ! You can see Ramya and Sridhar below !

All said i am not really happy here because i cannot afford my food three times a day as the company pays me peanuts for working twelve hours a day ! Do you think am exagerrating? Of course i am. I get paid only half a peanut !On that note i need to go buy myself a spicy Chicken. "For here" !

In Love !

2009-03-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

What do I say about him? He’s slim, dark and reasonably tall. He lives alone in a single room near the city bus stop. The room is too small even for someone like him who treats his lifestyle as a matter of simple common sense. He makes it a point to leave the socks out of his room, for he washes them only once a week and doesn’t care to change them often. Not that he cannot buy himself a few more pairs but just that he thinks it’s not important. He wants to look attractive but he knows he’s not. He dreams of being an extremely good quizzer, a Mr. Know It All, “the Oracle” a title the quiz clubs gave to the best quizzer in the city. Sometimes, he dreams of a beautiful girl in a white dress attending one of the big imaginary quizzes he’s won. He also imagines having coffee with her after the quiz and explaining to her a mnemonic for the Euler’s number. Whether he wants to be “The Oracle” or he’s just quizzing to find that beautiful girl, he isn’t sure. Why should he even want to know for sure? He just wants to let it be.

He works in a small local factory for a meagre amount of money. Not many people know what he does. That’s because he doesn’t have many friends. But he has one good friend Ajay. He met Ajay a few years back in a quiz and have been friends ever since. Ajay is tall, dark and handsome and is a midst of an affair with a beautiful rich girl, Richa.

He for that reason is envious of Ajay. His life would change forever if he had a beautiful, wise gal, that he was certain! He loves the idea of having a patiala- peg of Jack Daniel’s with such a girl!

Shriya is Richa’s class mate at the University of Architecture. According to Ajay, Shriya is a very sweet girl. Ajay also told him Shriya and Richa were neighbours and have been best friends ever since. On a Friday Ajay and Richa take him along for a party to resort some distance away from the city. Shriya, Richa’s friend is among company. She is not very tall, around 5feet 6 inches , dark and is holding a glass of wine. She’s not in a white dress but she’s extremely beautiful nevertheless! She’s full of energy and the damsel is swinging to music with such grace, he’s not seen before.

He walks up to her and introduces himself. She responds and talking to her wasn’t as difficult as he’s imagined. He gets on with her for sometime. She seems to be enjoying his company along with the music and the wine. But he’s getting conscious. He knows he looks not-so-great and he’s afraid people around him are mocking him. Just then Shriya suggests a walk around the resort. If Shriya really wants to walk along or is it just the influence of the alcohol, he wasn’t sure. Why should he even want to know for sure? He just wants to let it be.

Hand in hand they walk around the resort. They sit down in a secluded corner of the resort and are talking when he instinctively locks his lips with hers. What is this going to lead to? Is she going to assume he’s just another sex maniac? Why did he do it? Whatever! Did she like it? Questions just bombarded his head.

He doesn’t talk about it, neither does she. Instead they talk about chicken, cabbages and gay marriages. They just go about it like it never happened. It’s late in the night and it’s getting cold. They gather themselves and tread back. Hand in hand !

On his way back home, he realises he after all was not carried away. He’s struck with the thought that even though she never invited her, she merely failed to resist. He likes this fact. He actually loves it! He smiles at himself. It’s happened. This time he’s sure. It is Love! He wants to let it be. Forever!!!

The next day he calls Shriya and asks her out. She’s waiting for him in her white dress and they leave for a walk around the streets. He has never found walking the streets so beautiful, street food never tasted better! And he has a feeling this is just the beginning of a very long journey together in life!

In the night when he thinks about it, he realises, neither of them tried too hard. Neither of them proposed but both of them knew. But why did the girl fall for someone like him? What did she find interesting in him? Perhaps she likes the fact the he's just another boy next door. He wasn't sure.Why should he even want to know for sure? He just wants to let it be.
One thing he knew was that there was a magical inevitability about it! “This is love!” he tells himself, “This is life!”

He’s no longer attending quizzes, for he can remember nothing, except her. She’s now a regular visitor of his “egg carton” the name she gave to his room and they spend long periods of time together! Every second a moments of pure bliss!!!

Days pass by like a dream until both of them have petty complaints. Shriya complains about him getting impulsive and not being caring enough and he complains about her mood swings and demands. Both have big egos they know and love each other more than anything, they know this too. The phone calls are not as often anymore the conversation not that passionate anymore. Though they still very much love each other there’s more and more silence between them.

He doesn’t like the fact that things aren’t as good as before, things are not like he wants them to be. What he doesn’t know is he’s been bottling up his frustrations, both personal and professional and that a grave sense of helplessness is winding him up.

It all comes to a head when he is out gulping patiala pegs of Jack Daniels one after the other and in an inexplicable moment of madness calls Shriya up and says “ If you don’t like being with me, let it be . I want to end it here. It’s all over” and hangs up. Shriya , red in anger, for she loved him , more than anything else , rings him back and yells “ If you felt like that, let me tell you one thing, I loved you more than anything else but now I realise you didn’t deserve one bit of it. Thank you for letting me know. Get lost!”

His world crumbled at once. He’s unable to grasp what has just happened. Why did he do it? he cannot comprehend . He still loves her for all his life’s worth. It’ll take a few hours for him to realise he committed hara-kiri in a second of madness. He calls her up but gets no response. Understandably so!Why should she respond? Why should he deserve any second chance?” He’s just mindlessly shattered the girl who loved him and who meant more than his life to him.

He’s now living with her memories. He feels happy and also privileged for having lived with such a girl. He feels happy for not living alone in the past few months like he did most of his life. He is wondering, for all the lovely things he’s done for her why did he have to do that one thing wrong? Questions haunt for which he has no answers but one thing was sure, he needed her. He is wounded from within. If anything is to cure him, it would be love. He may not believe in God but he believes in love and the magic of love. More importantly he believes they are “meant to be”. He’s sitting alone in his room reading Erich Segal’s “Love story”. He’s reading it for the sixth time.

Just then, he hears someone knocking at the door!

……..To be continued in PART II

Moment of Shame

2009-01-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

HL Mencken once appropraitely defined puritanism as 'the haunting fear that someone,somewhere might be happy'. So when a group of young people were having fun on a saturday night, in a private pub causing discomfort to none at all, the purists from Shri Ram Sena couldn't stand it. A group of youngsters , in a familiar place, were happy afterall. They invaded the pub and the next thing you know, young girls getting pulled by the hair, thrown down to the floor and getting physically abused. The 'purists' pulled the girls' tops and skirts and molested them. The custodians of Indian culture were only doing their duty.

The footage of the incident shocked me. It is impossible to exaggerate the shockingly shameless manner the bastards carried out the whole thing. It is appalling someone can stoop to such low standards as to actually shove down a young girl to the ground , really hard . In the name of God and culture !!! If this is what they call religion and culture , I'd rather remain a culture-less atheist all my life.

Someone at the top needs to act. And act fast ! The perpetrators of such shameful acts need to learn they can't get away just like that. Lock the bloody cowards up, and teach them to respect the fellow human being. More importantly the women. Someone who can involve himself is such an abuse deserves to castrate himself ! Make them realise attacking innocent women is not what their moms breast fed them for. That attacking women is not a part of 'Hindu culture' and that they are no one to moral police and protect Indian culture !

Seems like everywhere i see these days, i encounter a strange sense of righteousness among people .Those who have law in their hands and those who take law into their own hands. You can't smoke in a pub ,you can't have dance clubs and now you cannot party in a pub on a saturday evening. Looks like these people know best. They decide for us, what is good for us and for our 'culture'. Now i am not arguing for unbridled alcoholic consumption, smoking or pubbing but to infringe upon one's rights to an extent that we are doing now in our country, for me is unacceptable!! For once i am ashamed of being an 'Indian' !

Surprise Surprise !!!

2009-01-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

Just received an offer from a local Radio FM channel in Hyderabad to send in a script for a hour long not-so-prime-time English programme . The people at the FM company supposedly 'liked' the content on Know More Nonsense and think i can do a script for them along with an English play list i deemed appropriate . "We can actually take it on from there" it seems .

It feels great to get recognized but i am not so sure i can do justice to what is being demanded. I stay in Bangalore and hence the logistics get a little complex but i am planning to send in a draft sometime soon, just for the heck of it .

Have been totally disconnected the last couple of weeks and hence the update to let friends , foes and especially my manager know i actually am not sitting idle all day!

One more surprise has been the 99+ percentile in CAT this time. Though am not so keen on a Masters degree this year, am thankful to those who reminded me the day before to take the test. Thank You !!!

2009-01-17T08:01:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know Chandni Chowk to China sucked. All the way! Had been to the premier show a couple of days back and the best thing about it all was the Dev D poster in the waiting lobby.

Currently consuming : The title track of Delhi 6. Totally loving the female's voice !!! Very nice album must say !!!

Dev D !!!

2009-01-08T01:37:00.000-08:00

This is as commercial as Anurag Kashyap can get. With a concept of contemporary Devdas , Dev D sure sounds interesting. Amit Trivedi , the music director of Aamir who gave us the lovely track "Ek Lau " scored the music for the film .

I am very impressed with the music. The album on the whole totally rocks. I recommend it to all the readers. One hell of a ride it is !!!

You can download the album from here.

The Geek Arrives !!!

2009-01-04T04:42:00.000-08:00

All my regular readers would know i am a total gizmo illiterate. Given a choice between embarrassing myself by spilling coffee all over my pants in a coffee bar and operating one of the costly
phones , i would always choose the former. Having said that, I don't have to choose, because i always spill coffee over myself. All i need is some coffee!!!

There are rumours going around in office saying i can't even check email on my iphone. For the record that's not true. I can but just that i still haven't. Really!! Promise !!!

But things are about to change. This new year i've decided i am going to turn a gizmo geek. The kind who reviews gadgets and gizmos for the young, cool, urban wannabies.

So in our first edition of tech reviews , let's review the cool and not-so-cool cell phones.

First things first. IPhone , the coolest phone around. Even if my manager who owns the developer piece of HTC Dream G1 running on Android (that sounded really techie right? guhahaha !!!) thinks it beats the iPhone by a mile. Not only that he thinks IPhone is for rich losers who are gizmo-illiterates.

Wait! He actually called me a gizmo-illiterate? Yes, he did. Dammit!!! I've seen the HTC dream and here's it's review !

Yes, like you can see it's a pre World War I gadget under the veil of the "next big thing" . It's actually only an IPhone wannabe! The finish of the phone is so bad my father's age old Casio personal organiser looks much much more sleek and stylish. The way the keyboard pops out is such a dampener !!! And you've to pay 25k for it ! All in all it'll totally totally drive the chicks away! It's just not your phone, it's your worst foe !! Stands first in what i call the Electronic Birth Control Series (EBC 1.1). Launch the HTC G1 in India first i say ! We'll take any form of birth control. Condoms don't work here , i am sure HTC Dream will, but at 25k bucks!!!

Damn the review on other phones !! Got my revenge !! Ufff!!! This is so so liberating !!

P.S: Blogged from my iPhone

Whoa !!!

2008-12-31T08:07:00.001-08:00

Just finished watching "Slumdog Millionaire" by Danny Boyle. Friggin friggin fantastic. Amazing movie. It's 10 PM here on the last day of the year and i feel like i've finished the year on a high.

I just don't want to talk anymore and waste your time. The next thing you'll do now is find this movie online, stream, download, do what you want, i don't care but watch this movie. You just cannot afford to postpone watching this movie. Forget missing it!!! Amazing movie !!! Go Go Go !!!

Award Danny Boyle with an Indian Passport i say, for showing Bombay like he did. Fantabulous!!!!

And on a closing note i wish you all a Very Happy New Year :). 2009 here we come !!!

Bestest lines ever; for the moment !!!

2008-12-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

The Thrill is gone as B.B.King puts it.

Next time before talking to me you might consider not taking the step as it disturbs equilibrium states. Energy releases and electron jumps might end up making me releasing energy popularly known as chakra leading to permanent damage of a perhaps neutral string.

It is a disturbing thought, this ability to think.Do you know the feeling when you are clapping in air and a mosquito gets swatted?

There is no we. There is no friend. There is me and nothing more. Always a loner, let me be like that. Do not change one season and give me hope.Unless the trip is worthwhile, it really doesnt make sense carrying extra load.
Courtesy: College-mate Gururaj Kosuru

Back to Business !

2008-12-15T07:33:00.000-08:00

I’d like to tell you the many important reasons for me not writing very much over the past couple months. Unfortunately, there really aren’t any. The truth of the matter is that I’ve been spending most of time coloring excel sheets and playing iPint, that fantabulous game which does nothing but fill my iphone screen with virtual beer that i virtually gulp and then feel an instant virtual high. It's rather ironic that i actually took to iPint so easily . I detested any form of virtual gaming, especially the ones that involved guns and bombs. The peaceful guy i am, whenever i feel the urge to commit mindless violence i flush the lot down the toilet instead of gunning down innocent bots.

Off late i've been extremely caught up with work analysing Viagara stocking and usage, among other things for our client. Our analysis concluded Viagara works best when you buy yourself a 100 mg pill , break it into two halves, take one in and stare at the other half. This is inside information and is exclusively available only to readers of Know More Nonsense. Regarding stocking information, my colleague Ambu has been trying really hard to come up with an accurate analysis but the numbers he says are almost always down. So much so that, he suddenly yells "Up , Up, Up" at the top of his voice in he office in frustration. Note that this too is sensitive company information that is available only to readers who are not Ambu's friends.

Apart of Viagara, I've also got involved what was once, according to me, a fiercely foolish exercise, literally: Gym-ing. Yes i've been majorly listening to VH1 music along with cycling and lifting weights ofcourse, at the gym. By the end of half hour of VH1 and 11 minutes of muscle flexing i feel much much stronger. So strong that i almost punch my way through the office door and extract rar files off the monitor with my bare hands! It feels good. Really good ! Too good actually!!!

In the middle of such a hectic schedule there was sometimes a chance to put the kettle on and read a chapter of a book among other things. Talking of kettles i've to seriously recommend India's first tea bar Infinitea to you. Had been there a couple of weeks back and didn't i love the place. Infinitea at Cunningham Road hajaar varieties of tea and some great Italian food . Next time you pass by Cunningham Road in Bangalore, make sure you catch it ! Afterall coffee and tea are the only constant proofs that God loves to see us happy !

Before i leave you let me tell you one useless piece of beverage information:
'Appy' supposedly in Malayalam and Tamil slang means excreta and the apple drink Appy is a firm favorite of many. So next time your friend feels thirsty , you have to intonate "Thirsty? Sip Appy. Slurpy Slurpy. You fullu happy". Okay ?

Balls and Brains !!!

2008-12-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

Don't i love this ?

THERE are few better ways of upsetting a certain sort of politically correct person than to suggest that intelligence (or, rather, the variation in intelligence between individuals) is under genetic control. That, however, is one implication of a paper about to be published in Intelligence by Rosalind Arden of King’s College, London, and her colleagues. Another is that brainy people are intrinsically healthier than those less intellectually endowed. And the third, a consequence of the second, is that intelligence is sexy. The most surprising thing of all, though, is that these results have emerged from an unrelated study of the quality of men’s sperm
Read more here.
Yes yes, am still alive and will post in a few days !

Ask Google !!!

2008-08-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

Just incase you are feeling very very vetti, you might like what you're going to read. But if you are feeling very intellectual, i suggest you click on the cross at the top right corner of the window. Or if you're just plain confused, this is going to be fun !!!

How often do we come across a situation where we are ruing about things you should have done or things you shouldn't have. How many of us now are caught between two opposite courses of action???

Ask google i say. You don't have to go to a counselor, no need to write to an agony aunt , just ask google.

How ??? Do like i say. Open google.com and:

Search for "I should have danced " , in quotes and look at the number of results - 7880

Now search for "I shouldn't have danced" and find the number of results - 240

That's it !! Go dance next time you have a chance to. Or even better, head out to a pub tonight and go do it !!! More people complain about not having danced than about having danced!!! So, go for it !!!

Who knows, you might turn out be the next Matt. You might have the most watched Youtube video to your credit. Yes, but you shouldn't forget lugging around your camera with you. This by the way is among the most watched youtube videos in the last one year!!! [Link]

Now suppose if you are thinking about something on this lines :

"I should have kissed her "- 23100
"I shouldn't have kissed her" - 2100
Go for it i say !!! Just do it !!! :)

"I should have got angry " -2
"I shouldn't have angry" - 251
Commonsense-Hence proved. But still, it's sad how often we get angry when we shouldn't have !!!
-
"I should have broken up" - 70
"I shouldn't have broken up" - 853

"I miss him " -1,490,000
"i don't miss him" - 20,600

" I miss her " - 1,330,000
"I don't miss her" - 17,500
-

The numbers are overwhelming !!!!There must be a story there: Value your dear ones. Don't let them go !!! You ARE going to miss them . I don't know what you are going to do but keep your relationships alive. Work on them. Treasure them. Value them. Enjoy them !!!

This prompts me to post one lovely song by Lisa Loeb - Stay !!!

These are just a very few of the hajaar crazy things i tried on google in the last couple of days, most of which cannot be posted here :P. Was fun !!!

Now you are wondering whether this post was actually worth the read.
Ok lets try.

"I should have read "- 193,000
"I shoudn't have read" - 192,000

Google says it doesn't really matter but still i think "should have read " won. So go try for yourself. Let your imagination take over and if you find anything interesting "you should" post it in the comments.
:D

P.S : The background score for the "Matt" video is the Bengali song Praan and is an adaptation of Rabrindranath Tagore's "Stream of Life". How many of you expected the most heard song on youtube to be in Bengali ???

The Clean Shave

2008-08-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

There's nothing called a " Clean Shave " !!!
Zeus faced that problem. Karl Marx faced it too. Now am facing it.
Every monday morning i wake up with two very important motives. One, to better by Snake score of 1100 and two, to reach office having had a clean shave. The first looks possible but somehow after hajaar attempts I've given up on the "clean shave". No matter how hard i try i just can't do it.

I do all that can be done. Nicely rinse the stubble, use an expensive foam and a more expensive funky looking three blade razor with a carbon alloy automatic tension arm and a rubber gasket for exceptional handling. I try reaching all corners of my face to make it just perfect.

Then i try to reach office in time with that jump in my stride, caressing my cheek as if to show people i had a clean shave and this happens:

Disha* : Hey PSR. Good morning.

I: Hi Disha , how's the weekend?? ( still fondly stroking my cheek)

Disha: Dude. You din shave properly. Still some hair on your cheeks and under your chin. Facial hair. Not good !!

I: C'mon that's not facial hair. That's just under-the-chin hair and cheek-hair.
And it was deliberate you see. The protagonist in that avante-garde spanish movie Adebayor van der vaart actually sports this style.

Disha: Ah? Which movie ?

I: Adebayor van der vaart.

Disha :Ohh. i've never heard of it.

("naturally u wouldn't have, because there's no such movie. Guhaahaha !!" to myself)

After i settle down in my seat and after a couple of minutes, Disha says something again. In a voice that can reach all possible corners of the office she asks :

"Oye the beard is supposedly the best source of hair in a hair transplant. Why don't you check out?? "

"Hmm oye Ambu. Disha is telling you something"

"I'm telling you"

" ohh . i thought..ok...2 mins..someone's calling" and i escape the embarrassment.

All because of the unshaven "facial hair".Another unsuccessful monday. Not once , not twice. It happens always. There's always more hair under the chin. There's always room for improvement and more room for embarrasing questions, unless you give up and decide to have a beard like the Zeus or Karl Marx or Osho .Will someone teach me the zen of perfect shaving or do we atleast now have a new model of the Mach3 ? I need a Mach 23. Dammit !!!!

*- Name changed in the interest of world peace !!!

Update: I think i've something interesting lined up . Keep an eye on Know More Nonsense for the next few days :P :)

Ayyo Orkut

2008-07-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

All my friends on Orkut, you might have seen three of my accounts floating around. Not my fault. Someone's been fiddling with my account or something. I'll try doing something about it. Every time i try to login i am prompted to create a new account. I am not sure why? A couple of days and i think i should set that right.

Update: The profile's up now and all the other fake ones have been deleted, thanks to orkut India for their help. But i'll wait for a couple more days before i start adding people. You never know !!!

The Dark Knight !!!

2008-07-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

Funtashhtic!!! Brilliant !!! Christopher Nolan has done it again . Memento, Insomnia, Batman Begins, The Prestige and now The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight is one movie you cannot afford to miss.

I loved everything about the movie especially Joker . He must be among the best villians ever scripted and Heath Ledger, Oh my Oh, what a performance !

I occasionally , even jumped off the seat , clapped and cheered for the Batman with the excitement of a seven year old, totally oblivious to the fact that i actually was sandwiched between two young couples in the cinema.

An absolute must watch : 5/5.

Please please do yourself a favour and go watch the movie.

Funky timepass !!

2008-07-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

I've come across a super-duper-full time pass section on the Mumbai Mirror. It's called "Ask the sexpert ". I've bookmarked it and this is the first thing i am going to read in office everyday from now on. Dr. Watsa's a genius!!!

A teaser :

I am 28 years old. I get night fall four times a week and especially whenever I see porn. My hands start sweating because of night fall. How do I get rid of this problem?

Watsa: Sperms have three ways of exit night fall, masturbation and intercourse. Choose whichever is suitable. Hand sweating is not connected.

A lot of women approach me for a physical relationship since I have a good physique. However, I am scared. My instructor says that sex reduces physique due to loss of semen since semen is a kind of blood. Is that true or just an old wives' tale?

Watsa: The instructor badly needs sex education. It is an old wives' tail.

LOL !!!

Am a gonna be billionaire !!!

2008-07-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

The 50 billion Zimbabwean bank note is selling on ebay above its face value. It was selling at 12$ when i last saw it. i am seriously planning to buy one for myslef. I am going to be a billionaire. Guhahahaha!!!!!
Follow this link !!!

Tweet Tweet !!!

2008-07-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

I've decided to be seriously active on Twitter again. Find "psr" and you are ready to follow . For people new to twitter , just register yourslef. Good timepass in office, i tell you !

2008-07-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

Alarm Alarm : This is no country for young men !!! Young patriots, before you begin to pillory me, let me explain.

I have only lately understood what "dangerous surplus of sons" actually means. I used to mock people who said it,but not anymore, after i've seen the sex ratio projections today.

Census has it that in India, there are 1000 men for every 923 women. And by 2050 it is projected that there'll be a whopping 1000 men for every 880 women. Do you even understand what those numbers mean?

It means 77 single eligible bachelors, come what may !!! It means that even the last girl can make 78 unfortunate guys stand in a row , stark naked ,make us dance to some Hritik number and then choose the biggest jerk among the lot, like they always do !!!

Ok Ok, if that doesn't sound alarming enough, consider this !!! India's population right now stands at 1.3 billion half of them below the age of 25. Assume the present sex ratio and after some simple multiplications, you'll come down to the number 13 million. Interpret the number as 13 million young,peaceful marriageable bachelors. F**ity ow!!!!

Staggering 130 lakh single men . I know 130 of us including our manager from our firm are definite shooins for the above category but i am still thinking about the rest of the unfortunate people.

Next time you find a guy kicking his door for no reason or fiercely boxing a wall , or a guy yelling at the top of his voice in the middle of the road or you find one banging the office desk hysterically, don't bother. We guys just have to let it out. This is no country for young men. I am going to, that Ivanovic- Jankovic country, yes Serbia !!! How 'bout you ???

P.S : The trailers of "Rock on" starring Farhan Akthar look extremely interesting !!! Three songs are real funky. The film is about music, four men and their girlfriends. The director did a wonderful job of maintaining a sex ratio of one . See, it happens only in the movies !!!!

Deliberate urgency !!!

2008-07-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

Today's moment of the day came when the manager came to me looking extremely anxious and said to me "I want this done immediately by next friday "

Immediately by next friday??

WTF???

Nadal, take a bow !!!

2008-07-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

The 22 year old kid from Majorca did it !!! He made the god of grass look human. The swiss' coolness in the face of extreme adversity which is generally a matter of great wonder and charm was no where to be seen till the rain-gods prevented Nadal from taking the game apart from the defending champion.

The trophy rightfully belonged to Fedex for five years till yesterday evening but Nadal deemed it necessary to beat , arguably the best player on grass in the sport's history. And he did . Nadal's desire and willingness to win showed on the court but he needed a little more to beat the champion and he did. Kudos!!!

As a big time Federer fan the most inspiring moment in the match before Nadal's victory came when Federer defending a match point in the second tie-break fired a back hand down the line and forced the match into the fifth set. That moment i clinched my fist in the air and then patted myself for being a Federer fan.

Federer even in the defeat , a painful one, made clear he was proud to be a part of a match in which Nadal played like he did and that Nadal deserved what he achieved .

Nadal later acknowledged the fight from the fallen champion saying:
"I'm so proud because I feel I am playing against, and now beating, the best player in the history of tennis. The fight he put up against me was unbelievable and I congratulate him for that. I also have to say that he is a credit to our sport whether he wins or he loses."

Generous words from the Wimbledon champion indeed !!!

Nadal deservedly would have partied hard last night and must have gone to bed with his trophy. And it would have been strange and really painful for Federer to go to sleep having lost the title. But both of them will wake up tomorrow only to fight another match, another day. After all, that's what sport is all about !!!

How about this??

2008-07-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

Am in Hyderabad contemplating something seriously important on the professional front. While am doing that let me present to you something interesting i thought about.

In most tall corporate buildings in Bangalore you find i-don't-know-what-you-call-them digital advertising screens beside the elevators. As someone who uses the elevator at least thrice a day i think this kind of advertising actually works. It very effectively grabs attention of people waiting for the elevator which generally is longer than you expect. There are always a few more seconds for the elevator to reach your floor.

Assuming this business model works, something i always thought was possible looks more possible now : Clean, hygienic, free public toilets. I see a few paid toilets in public places these days but most people pee outside those toilets for free. It actually makes sense that not everybody would pay a rupee or two to pee when he can actually do that for free . Don't give me that crap about social responsibility . The idea is trite and most often than not people respond to incentives rather than words like "social responsibility".

But to create an incentive for people to pee in public toilets is a little difficult unless you would want to pay them every time they reach the toilet. So create an incentive for the advertisers. Get them into these washrooms. Yes, create value for them, where people pee. Let them have their advertising spaces right in front of the person in action , at the toilet and dare that piss-er not to take notice of what's being advertised. I am sure he can't. He has to watch it and take notice. Moreover the time it takes between opening and closing the fly is very close to a normal advertisement length, if you're talking multimedia ads that is. Just think about it !!! Imagine !!!

If thats what the advertisers want , they are going to pay for it. They may not pay as much as they normally would for other modes of advertisement, but the small amount they pay would, i have a feeling, suffice to maintain a public toilet.

There you have it. An ideal win-win situation where the advertisers have got their due and the people have clean, hygienic public toilets to use for free. And we haven't even started talking about the market base or things like that. The very fact that screens can be set up in a building where the same set of few people look at them everyday, gets me excited. Intuitively this should work. I am curious to get into the actual figures , do some math and to get to some concrete numbers.
Clean, Hygienic public toilets. Think Think !!!

Electronic Remix

2008-06-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

The band Radiohead invited all it's fans to remix the song "Nude" from one of their previous albums. James Houston, from i don't know where, came up with this remix which literally is Electronic Remix. He remixed the song using printers, modems and oscilloscopes. It's actually uber cool except for the first 10 seconds where the screeching seems like forever. But yes, go ahead , watch it. Presenting James Houston, Nude !!! :P

Playlist !!!

2008-06-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

The lonely soul i am here in Bangalore, i get these weird ideas . Next in the pipeline is an extremely interesting thing i want to do . Create a funky play list where Shankarabharanam logically follows a System of a Down, where Ilayaraja meets BEP, Corrs have a tryst with DDLJ and where MS Subbalakshmi is on a musical honeymoon with Bono. The kind of play list you can play and let the musical tide take you to the Bay of bliss !!!

I am trying different songs at my place and my house-owner who's generally very co-opertive except in subjects relating to playing Godsmack at 3 in the morning might complain. But i couldn't care less.

Moment of the day !!!

2008-06-30T02:18:00.000-07:00

The office has moved to a new building and so needed to know where the office parking was. Asked someone in the building who looked like a security guard.

I: "Boss!! office parking kahan hain? "
He: "No No No. This is actually MG Road"

WTF??

Lovely !!!

2008-06-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's a lovely morning after Spain were crowned Euro Champions yesterday night. So lovely that i happened to come across this lovely institute of education while googling for something "lovely". "Lovely Professional University ". Go check out the link. Lovely indeed !!!

Did i hear someone saying "WTF" ???

Ambu and Deepu

2008-06-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday , close friend Deepu who works for pagalguy.com and is the guy behind 'single handedly making sense of the behemoth of data ' to roll out the Indian B-school rankings called me up to do an article on 'The 10 best porn movies in recent times '. The helpful guy he was at college i couldn't say 'No' but i did.

'No! dood. Really out of sorts these days'
'Cool. Make sure you do it by sunday. Ok'
'Sorry hero! Just not possible'
'Bugger! Include that Shakila one we watched too'
'Hahaha!! The one we saw in our underpants??. But i can't do the article baap. Seriously'
'Ok. 450 words will do and don't tell anyone. By Sunday'
and he was gone.

I sat down to write something when i realised i needed to install Office on my PC. Every time i need to feel embarrassed i just have to deal with something remotely technical.I hate these software keys, pin codes, pan card numbers and the likes. What the heck!!! They are like 20 characters long .I don't understand the intention of people behind these cryptic keys. Do they think they will have to cater to 99 billion people that they have such long passwords?

So i call up my colleague in office, Ambu, who's really impressive when it comes to technology in general and cameras in particular. He absolutely adores photographs. By the most conservative of estimates, he's supposed to have clicked 4621 pics of his own. He's so obsessed that these days he puts his head into the laser printer every time he passes by it. I make it a point to pull him aside or distract him by performing some kind of booty-dance.

But Ambu is real smart , must tell you. He probably is the only one in the company who understands the term 'customer delight'. So much so that he insists upon writing 'India' after Bangalore in the mail signatures. He says it saves the client the pain of googling where Bangalore is. This in spite of one client complaining about Ambu , saying, Ambu walked like he realised he should have gone to the toilet before leaving for office.

Ambu was a great booze-mate but now that i quit boozing, i'll miss the fun. What i miss about alcohol the most is what i do after 6 pints of Budweiser. Booty-dancing and snake-dancing to 'Kaho na pyaar hai'!!!

Enough said about Ambu and Deepu. Now i need to go compose that article.But before i go and before you think am a technical illiterate let me leave you with some trivia.

Technically a R-L-C circuit which looks like the image below, if i remember correctly works as a and pass filter.But the image below has more to it than just a filter. Counter strike buffs might have "sprayed" something similar while gaming. Connect the image to something that turns up repeatedly in popular culture, in many different contexts.

Answer : "Kilroy was here"
To know more : "Wikipedia" , "Legends"

Who would you prefer to sleep with ?

2008-06-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

Facebook's "Compare People" application recently asked someone which of two of her friends she'd rather sleep with: the choice was between her brother and her dad. Enough said.

A longer post on social networking will follow.

It's been long. So read it !!!

2008-06-17T00:28:00.000-07:00

I had been to Tiruchurapalli, for the weekend. In the kind of heat that seems to want to burn people alive, Trichy is one of the most dispiriting places at this time of the year. But i decided to go there atleast get rid of the horrible Bangalore traffic which makes commuting take so long that people these days reach office by lunch time, grab some free coffee, discuss the in-house married-beauty and immediately return to their homes. The other day i overheard a conversation about how a guy parked his bike in a traffic dreadlock , groomed himself , had a fag while others stared at him picking their noses and waiting for the traffic to ease.

On the contrary, traffic in "Tiruchy" was much peaceful and our driver extremely cheerful. If congeniality is an art ,the guy holds a masters degree. He apparently understood everything we spoke and responded to everything we asked.
I: Howcome there's no AC in your car?
He: Aan, tiruchy. (Smiling)
I acted as if he got that right. I had to reciprocate the congeniality . Didn't I? Then i was back discussing with others why chelsea clinton looked so ugly. Mr.Friendly started laughing again. I asked him
"Hey ! Why you laughing" .
He responded with
"Aan , Tiruchy ".
"Tiruchy" meant everything to him, literally !!!
I: Sreesanth is bloody f****r. Isn't he ?
He: Aan Tiruchy. Definitely (sounding extremely confident)

Not only that, his perpetual nodding came loaded with craft, with an eye to convince anyone and everyone with just one word: "Aan tiruchy " .

It was fun talking to him nevertheless. He drove well too. So when we got off i made it a point to ask him " Soober driving. Your name? ". He responded with, guess what ? "Hehehe. Tiruchy Basha". I smiled back and told myself Tiruchy basha probably was meant to say that one word "Tiruchy" hundred times.

So after that enjoyable ride and a couple of i-can't-walk-any-longer temple visits i had to return to Bangalore the monday morning. The flight like always was delayed and so i decided to take a day off from office when i got a call from my boss . If you allow me to digress here, my boss, last week asked me to suggest a nice gift for his wife on her b'day. Though I'm no seasoned hand in picking gifts, i did give my suggestion and he said he thought, his wife wouldn't be dreaming of a gaming mouse or a baseball bat for a birthday gift. And here's the same guy asking me to reach office and work for what he offered : a weekend massage in a Spa. He said " i'll pick you up and drop you from the spa". I politely refused the offer but still made it to the office so that i could compose this post and help myself with some hot-chocolate apart from doing some hardcore analytics* ofcourse. Now , let me go , grab some grub from the cafeteria . Time to leave office!!!

P.S: *Analytics for Dummies : Analytics is basically used to dissect a question that nobody asked into more mathematical questions so that we can use more analytics to apply on them.

P.P.S: I know it's been long since i've posted . I am actually running low on writing-creativity partly because i am busy writing little programs,boozing and being a fuck-up. But more posts will follow. :)

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe !!!

2008-04-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

One of the best themes ever. I love it . Especially the " I have the powerrrr " part.

What actually happened was that i set out to collect my favorite themes Street hawk and The Knight rider. Happened to stumble upon one of my other favorites , He-Man and here i am posting it for you.

Extremely jobless, i know.

Fifty !!!

2008-04-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

Time Management !!!!

2008-04-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

Excellent piece from the Dilbert blog. Brilliant!!!

Let’s say you have a typical life and try to live it in the healthiest way. You might allocate your 24-hour weekday this way:
Sleep: 8 hours
Exercise: 1 hour
Work: 8 hours
Eating: 2 hours (leisurely)
Hygiene: 1 hour
Travel: 1 (Commute, errands)

That leaves you three hours for family time, sex, shopping, food preparation, chores, household repair, volunteering in the school, and so on. If you have a dentist appointment, or your talkative relative calls, or American Idol has a two-hour special, you’re tapped out.

It’s a challenge to live a happy life if you aren’t giving enough attention to all of those categories, yet doing so is nearly impossible.

One time management strategy is to be independently wealthy, freeing up eight hours a day. But that option isn’t available to many. And apparently it isn’t fulfilling because most rich people continue to work full schedules.

Another strategy is to ignore the fact that you are slowly killing yourself by not sleeping and exercising enough. That frees up several hours a day. The only downside is that you get fat and die.

A third path is to work less than you could, live economically, enjoy each day as it comes, and try not to think about living on cat food when you retire.

Which strategy have you picked?

In the darkness of a power-cut !!!

2008-04-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

Here i am typing this in the darkness of an extended power-cut at my place in Bangalore just after a not-so-happy, strenuous flight from Hyderabad. Naturally, i am cursing everyone at the Bangalore Electricity board including their late great grandfathers. I sit down alone in this sweaty room thinking about how to pass time. Ringing someone is not something i fancy at this moment but somehow suddenly i feel a sense of deja vu. And it takes me some 10 years down my memory lane.

The last time i remember of such a long power cut was around ten years ago. Those were the days when i prayed for a power cut. Seriously. Thankfully we had no inverters then and all it took for the whole neighborhood to come out and socialize was a simple power cut. Moms discussed their childrens' report cards, College going gals might have whispered about some hunk in college and we kids would be busy knocking every door and gathering friends to play what we called "ice-spice". (Knock-knock " Hey Bunty , terrace. ice-spice. Raja and Bujji also coming". "Ok but i cant find my chappal re. Anyways am coming. Chalo." )

The building terrace was heaven during power cuts. Pleasant moonlight, cool breeze and no moms to deal with. Whoa!!! Perfect setting for a fun a game of Ice-spice. We had to hide and we hid in the darkest corners. The "done-er" always counted numbers in multiples of 10 even if he had to count from 1 to 100. (1-10-20-30-..90-100- ready---ready????) We played hard and i vividly remember my getting bruised every time i played in the dark. Bruise or no bruise , the game had to continue, at least till the electrons forced their way back into our tube-lights and moms came yelling to the terrace.

I loved the the power cut so much. Some of us laughing hysterically clapping our hands, some of us clapped their hands against their mouths pleading they reached the "spot" first and some of us just imagined life without electricity. It was so much fun. One occasion when we could break-free of everything , run in joy, fall, get bruised, get up again and run like we had no tomorrow. Happy all the way.

It's still dark in my room and am sweating on the keyboard. I hope someone knocks at my door now. I wish i could get bruised again . I know nothing of it will happen and they are not "supposed" to happen because am a 22 year old now, living alone in Bangalore for a word i still don't understand - "Career".

Deccan Chargers !!!!

2008-04-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

Rooting for the Deccan Chargers in the IPL. First time in a really long time that anything other than Europeon football got me interested.

And this mammal Symonds has been zabardast influence. There are only two kinds of people in this world.
1) People who love him.
2) People who will love him.

A day to go before we play our first match. While the other howle teams play their matches, let our monkey enjoy Hyderabadi Biryani, Hyderabad ki pottiyan and not to forget Hyderabad ka paya paya.

Go Deccan Chargers Go !!!! Rock on !!! The monkey's with us !!!

P.S: We've also roped in German cheerleaders. All direct descendants of Mr. Hitler !!!

The impromptu confessions of an idle mind.

2008-03-11T04:46:00.000-07:00

I thought i will confess a few things here apart from the fact that i don't understand what " Nvidia Geforce sakatamba a7v8xmx" means and that i once argued Undertaker had 7 lives with atleast 42 of my friends. 34 of them argued he had only four.

1. I have a feeling the most asked and the least answered question in the history of mankind is : " What's PSR?"

2. As a kid i had this weird fetish for mixer grinders, yes mixer grinders. I particularly liked the juicer cum grinder model which was amongst the most versatile piece of culinary machinery in those days. It goes beyond saying that i once tried making lemon flavoured onion juice.
And i think Preeti mixer-juicer rocks.

3.I hated urine tests. Absolutely detested them. What's worse than your mom taking you the hospital to urinate? Even at the age of 18 . They give you that, what do u call it, bottle or test tube with a sticker on them, to pee in. I always made it a point to read what's on the sticker. I never quite understood. Some clinics even insisted on self-service . You had to walk through the crowded gallery and return the bottle back to the reception all by yourself.

4.I have an inexplicable liking for red sarees. More the peacocks the better.

5.I have a great respect for the practice of allopathic medicine which i regard as a panacea for all ills. I once had seven pills at once with surprisingly little amount of water for what was a "mood off".I find it amusing, a few people i know never take medicines unless they find a clear symptom like a bullet in the head or a missing hand or leg. Seriously amusing.

6.I don't wear my specs to the bathroom, no matter what. Even if what am doing in the loo has nothing to do with my face, chest or my six-pack.

7.I have decided not to spend more than twenty minutes on this post. So time's almost up.

8.I've also decided to post more often.

Laptop or Shelter ??

2008-03-02T04:37:00.000-08:00

Hello people !!! Back from Bhubaneshwar after a month long stay there and it wasn't easy home coming i tell you. Like i told you i'll be moving to Bengaluru in a couple of weeks and thought a new notebook was not a bad idea at all.

Mom said "Choose between the notebook and a shelter to live in at Bangalore" with the usual you-are-still-a-kid grin of hers. Little did she know dad from the other corner was signaling " laptop" while drawing a square with his fingers in the air.

I took notice and replied "Notebook it is" smiling superciliously while retreating back towards my good old desktop which was playing The Communards' "Don't leave me this way" .

oh my desktop , am not leaving you my friend. You can still enjoy the warmth and joy of my room . You had so much IN you which took us through our wonder nights in college. Thank you for everything and i must say you were amazing.

So, after having made that tough decision here i am asking you for suggestions on a new notebook. No, price's not an issue . Dad's paying for it after all . And am not looking at the Mac book either unless you can convince me it's worth the buck.

My current favorite is the HP Pavilion tx2000z even though i am not sure about its Indian price. So keep the suggestions pouring.

" Which Croft " ???

2008-02-22T02:42:00.000-08:00

Heard of IPL ?
If so, heard of The Deccan chronicle??
For people living in a news-blackout, the Deccan Chronicle ( DC ) owns the Hyderabad franchisee in the Indian Premier League . Those of you who followed the news might have been seriously impressed by the line-up deccan chronicle has managed to cull for the Hyderabad team. Adam Gilchrist, Andrew Symonds , Herschelle Gibbs , Shahid Afridi and ofcourse our very own T20 specialist VVS Laxman leading the pack.
Wondering how DC managed to do it beating the likes of the Ambanis , Mallyas and the Wadias (also Known as the Zinta family these days)???
I've got the answer : All by the grace of Amil Baba Roshan ji . Yeah,Babaji is a regular on the 'Newsmakers' page of the DC . To clear the mist let me show you one of them. Here it is.

The Jan 28th 'Newsmakers' page. I know,there are many articles of interest there but allow me to distract your attention towards the ad pointed with the red arrow. That is where the supenatural power exists.
Here's is the enlarged picture.

Feel free to read it twice. No, thrice i say. He's the reason DC continues to exist inspite of its sleazy news coverage. He's the reason DC could manage the moolah to buy the team and the players. He's the cure for all evil provided you visit him with 'one agarbathi with you'.
Laugh your lungs out and let me know which line you thought was the most hilarious. My pick : 'I have solution for all type of problems. But no one has solution for me'.

P.S : Thanks to Amil Baba i'll be quitting my first job in a month to start afresh as a "Business Analyst" in Bangalore. The girfriend's glad too. She hated the IT engineer tag and says "Hi!" to all of you here . :)

Dream Job !!!

2008-01-26T02:25:00.000-08:00

Last week, i moved to Hyderabad following the footsteps of great people like MF Hussain, Chara Naveen, Mohammad Azharuddin , Balakrishna and Priyatham, half of whom, for the record, have done nothing useful as such. But nevertheless i am happy i can now drive on roads i know and relieve my frustration by parking the car on the 9th level of the office parking tower.

Like you expect, i have nothing to do these days except going to office in my "business attire" and attending a few "brainstorming" sessions during the "business hours" ; which translates to: wear a tie , go straight to the cafeteria and sip a Frappe for as long as you can while discussing Mallika Sherawat with your colleague .And use terms like "Client network interface", "total quality assurance" and "unwanted body hair" while your superiors are around. Really works.

So get this: Am not doing anything productive these days.But then i realise 'All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy" and sit contemplating if this is really what i wanted to do? A year ago. No, 5 years earlier. Or even better 10 years ago. What was my dream job 10 years ago i ask myself honestly. I have my answer and though it might sound outrageous to some; i really wanted to be a 'Tennis ball boy'.

That was the time when i used to love my sport and to me every ball i owned was worth its weight in gold. I always dreamt of a room packed with tennis balls and i imagined myself swimming in that pool of balls, throwing some of them at the wall , catching them in the rebound and shouting "The real jonty is here!!!!!". Bliss, it was.

As if this love for balls wasn't enough, i learnt from some of my 'knowledgeable" friends that a ball boy earns around 100 rupees a match. I couldn't care less about why and how they came to that figure but all i knew was each rubber-ball cost 3 bucks.Though dividing 100 by 3 exactly was not exactly easy then, but i figured out i would get around 30 after each match with "my" money. I wouldn't have to jump over compound walls, apologize to people for breaking their window panes or say "Sorry!!! Last time" to my mom again. For i would have so so many balls to play with.

That was then. Fast forward 10 years and here i am still thinking about how good that job must be.

"Business Attire" would look like :

"Brainstorming session ":

'"Break time ":

Or if u are really lucky and have a really really good day at office : "Bonus"

Whoa!!! what a life!!! i love it !!! But wouldn't i be over-aged now? No, I've got inspiration. My He-man uncle!!!

So Sharapova!!! am coming!!! I know you are waiting.

2008 !!!

2008-01-02T02:55:00.000-08:00

I have been extremely busy staring at people, watching the Indian Cricket League, , downloading porn , having my Mochachillos and going to places where my wanderlust landed me. Hence the lack of posts in the past few weeks.

But here i am wishing you all a very happy new year!!!

Everything looked perfect about 2008, till i realised it was a leap year and Feb29th was a Friday. Dammit!!!!

Anyways, i'll be back soon with better posts. Mother promise!!!

2007-12-26T21:50:00.000-08:00

Was one of those weeks with those rare moments of bliss when all seemed right with the world !!! Yeah, even the rash on my face. [:P]

NEW STOP, NEW SPOT , NEW POST !!!

2007-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

Hello people, I have reached Hyderabad for the weekend. The journey was horrible. Firstly,the Bangalore traffic sucks. Its airport does even harder.And it can't get any worse if u reach the aerodrome after an hour and half in the rick and are you are informed your 55-minute-flight has been delayed by a couple of hours. I had no more than half a book to read and i knew it wouldn't make a good airport-reading. But i was stranded and had no choice. The book managed to keep me occupied for a hour and a half after which i gave up. This wasn't working. I had to pass time and i did the next half an hour by pee-ing twice and then trying seven different kinds of knots with my shoelace.

Finally, i boarded the flight only to know my aisle seat was occupied by an elderly man who wanted to exchange his seat with mine. So here i was sandwiched between a 30+ year old married woman and a 60 year old bigshot executive!! (No!! he wasn't a bigshot. He traveled low-cost after all). So here i was trying desperately to keep myself occupied and then it struck. What i came up with to keep myself occupied for the rest of the 30 odd minutes was i thought very interesting : Anagrams of my name.
(ALERT ALERT : Did you know "NEW STOP" "NEW POST" and "NEW SPOT" were anagrams???)

PSR CHAITANYA

The first thing that came up was :

PAY CHINA STAR!!!! (Hey!! good going but those exclamatory marks were uncalled for. Anyways.)

PYAAR CAN SHIT!!!! (Pat pat!! good job man.)

HIS ARYAN PACT. (Now,that's some serious insight into the Indian history.)

HIS CAN YAP, RA!! (This is for the gults. "RA" meaning "Yo man!! Hey chikita komasthas!!!")

CHAT IS A RAP? : Y/N (I know it's meaningless but did you realise i managed to squeeze a question out of it. Guhahhahha!!!)

The rest of them were rather a result of the jittery landing than my intellectual prowess.

HIS RAT CAN YAP!!!

SAT AIR PANCHY* (* i don't know what it means)

PSRCHATIANAY (oh oh!!! i feel nauseated)

PASAR CHYATNI

So before it gets absolutely meaningless, let me stop here and ask you try the same with your name or watever and post it in the comments. Also vote for the least worst anagram of mine. The best comment will get a free comment-response from my side.
So, go on ,unleash your imagination [:P] and let me close it with another one of mine : " RAT SHIT PAN !!! CYA!!! "

P.S: It's 2 AM here and due to some divine intervention i have changed my name to PSR CHAITTANYA. Hence the extra 'T' in the last anagram!!!

Just in case you wanted to know ...

2007-11-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

There are times when you HAVE to look for an inspiration to blog. Doesn't happen often but i must confess i have been doing just that for the last 6 hours. You look at people around , find nothing interesting and then decide to hit the cafeteria to grab some grub . You walk straight, walk into a elevator and there you find it. Everywhere inside . On every female shoulder surrounding you . Yes!!! You have found the subject of your next post!!! Yippee!!! You fasten your tie, smile at the girl standing beside and walk out feeling triumphant.

Now you know what i am going to talk about. Yes!!! The ubiquitous handbag . The handbang is something without which there is no her. If ubiquity was the measure of greatness of anything, the handbag comes second only to our very own real rockstar Himesh Reshamiyya. Every gal loves Himesh and each one has an handbag. Some fashion conscious have as many as thirty one. One for each day of the month.

So whats so important about this female-handbag? Legend has it that the concept of all-products-under-one-roof-superstore came about when, not so long ago a suspicious husband peeped into his wife's handbag. And that was a watershed moment in the history of corporate retail.

The suspicious husband was amazed at the pure quantum of things in his wife's bag. He counted as he took each one of them out 1.Lipgloss 2. Eyeliner 3.A Comb 4.Talcum powder 5. More talcum Powder 6.Glasses 7.Vicks 8.Chocolates 9.Pins 10. Nail polish 11. Censored censored (No! i am not saying this aloud).... and he stopped counting. Blink!! Blink!! The idea struck . "Super Market" he yelled at the top of his voice. The husband here was Sam walton and we all know the rest is history. ( Research revealed Mr.Sam initially wanted to name his stores "Her needs").

Women in general and my sister in particular needs the whole world inside her handbag. She has so many things in her handbag that i have to move the furniture in my bedroom to make space for her handbag each time she visits us. She is a mother of two and you can only expect the paraphernalia to increase. Nappies,crayons, rough paper and a barbie doll also make it to the list. Surprisingly the size of the bag essentially remains the same.

But the best part of all this is you can have a standard answer for anything your niece asks for. Makes life easy when you are busy doing something as important as reading Calvin and Hobbes. You just don't have to care . There's only one answer:

"Maama, where are my crayons"
Me: In your mom's handbag.

"Maama, my chocolates"
Me : Your mom's handbag.
"whr in her bag??"
Me: That red zip. (busy munching my pack of Lays)

"Maama, there's someone in the bathroom. Where do i pee? "
Me: Your mom's bag.....and drop this packet in the dustbin on your way!!. .....Hahahaah. Calvin is god!!!

These days even the business houses have realised the importance of handbags and their role in product-sales with this simple strategy: Technology , Advertising and Free Handbags!!!

Buy just three LCD HDTV's for your family and get an amazing ladies' leather handbag * absolutely free.

Buy yourself a plush plot in our Pragathi resorts and get one cute handbag** for , brace yourselves, Yes!! Free!!!!

Maruthi has reported a 10% increase in sales since it started delivering the car keys in a pink coloured ladies' handbag with 'gal power' printed on it.

With so much to that little piece of leather, you must have been convinced by now about why i chose what i have for this post : Little economics, little business, little art but mostly jobless-ness. So on that note let me take leave and do what i do best in my office hours. Play Solitaire.

* (that doesn't smell like cow's shit)
** (We have run out of the pink coloured ones)

P.S : I had composed this post a week back , saved it on my desktop ,then lost the file only to find it again today. These computers act weird just like the average gult software engineer except that if you stay long enough with him, it becomes your constitutional right to rip open his head with a hammer but you can't do the same thing to a company desktop.
----------------------------------------

Update Update: It's Diwali today and "Know More Nonsense" wishes one and all a very happy and a safe Diwali. And forget about those 'silent diwalis' and light a lot of bombs and flower pots.
On this very auspicious occasion i have to share one of my PJ's.

Q)How do employees at Infosys celebrate Diwali?

A) Burning CD's...Guhahahahaha!!!!

More from this wonderland !!!

2007-10-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know.I know. It's been long since i posted anything worthwhile here . A lot of my posts these days have been i-tried-but-could-manage-only-these-pics ones. Blame it on my job, i find no inspiration around. All i find here is extremely well manicured lawns, roads cleaned with tooth brushes, cycles oiled using Johnson's baby oil and signs reading "Don't Horn !! Techies at work" three miles away from the workplace. Truely world class they call it.

I by no means want to undermine the IT industry when i say that. This job has been a great transformer. You feel a great better after you leave your terminal at 5 in the evening. You even get to learn that game "rock, paper, scissors" apart from doing some invaluable research.

Now i imagine you are dying to know more about my research. So let me explain. I believe in using the company resources to the maximum effect and the printer is one such wonderful resource. I take printouts of scoresheets, pics of Namitha and also some personal mails of mine. In the process i make it a point to pick up other discarded print-outs on the desk. They make very interesting reading, believe me. They range from "Step wise procedure on how to switch the AC off ??" to " Survey to know what kind of kisser you are" to " Application form for the position of Software engineer at Wipro". One of the most interesting talks about:

"Hi PSR!! Your blog sucks. Don't try too hard. Now giveup……"

Ohh!! No , wrong print out. I seem to have lost the right one. This the 10th printout i have lost ,;hich is more than- wait!! Let me write a program to calculate this. Yeah more than one third of the total printouts (and no compile-time errors this time). But I don’t mind losing them as long as i get to use the printer for free.

Not just that. We also have a messenger software to chat with our fellow employees. And trust me, all my colleagues are one the most humour-receptive people on this planet. They keep laughing all the time.Consider this conversation on our very beloved messenger.

Me: Hey Selvam!! Good morning . So how was the night??

Selvaprasad: Don’t ask man. No action, nothing.

Me: Nevermind dood! I have a joke to share with you.

Selvaprasad : Hahahhaha. Hahhahahha. Good man. Go on.

Me: No, that wasn’t the joke. It goes like this: It was raining that day.

Selvaprasad: LOL man LOL. Hahahahaha.

Me: (not understanding what was so funny :O) And our boss forgot his umbrella.

Selvaprasad: ROFLOL . LMAO. Hahaha. Super da. That fool. LOL.LOL.

Me: Hey!! I didn’t even get into it. Neways ; our boss had some files with him.

Selvaprasad: Oh my Oh!!! LOL. Oh my God. ROFLOL. You are super hilarious man. I can laugh no more. U made my day. Now I have to get back to coding. I have to report back to that fool. Hahahahaha. It was so funny. Nice happened to our useless boss.Hahahhaa.

Me: Arey Selvam!! That wasn’t even the beginning.

(and he was gone as i was still typing)

But all said, Selvam is a good friend of mine and does most of my work including telling the girl next to him that I thought she looked pretty. So I won’t go any further on this. If not for such incidents, the printer and those mails, life couldn’t have been more boring. Software is all we do each day. Use softwares everywhere is our motto. On that note I spell-check this documant and take leav to listen to those songs fromm “Chodhon na yaar” .

World Champions!!!!

2007-09-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

We did it !!!!!!

And "Mr. Misbah-ul-haq, remember: Mallus are everywhere . Even at short-fineleg!!!"
Was this the SMS that was doing rounds??

" Ayyoyyo!!! " Version: 1.0.1

2007-09-08T00:59:00.000-07:00

So, finally !! Reporting from Mysore. I didn't think i would blog again this early . Niether did i expect the corporate world to be so mean. When i say the corporate world, i mean " an IT firm in Mysore". 'IT' is ruled by this Druid-like cult that has two very strict beliefs . Only two.

1.Wear a tie to work
2. Code till it squeezes out every drop of blood in you and turns you into a lump of flesh***

Just when you think these are two simple rules , you realise IT firms also have these rules called 1.1 and 1.2 and the like. These stem from their habit of labelling everything with decimals (like version 1.0.1.6) . These rules generally make no sense to us untill we recieve our first pay check. When you recieve 10k less, you 'll know how important rules 1.4 and 1.7 were.

It's been extremely difficult to adjust to this place. Days don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless like coding. Because i live in Mysore and work in this egg carton, browsing and flirting on the net is the only joy i have. The lectures are no good either. The instructor's analogies are beyond ugly :"Example, i am a function. I am the parent and that girl (pointing to one gud looking Pune-female) is my child. First i get executed and then my child gets executed later. So that is how a stack works" was one of his analogies. He sure must be executed first, i say.

Some people might say i sound a little too grumpy. I know getting a paycheck is great but getting a life - "Priceless". So much for my first week at the workplace. By the way i got a new number. I am now connected to Airtel-Jaasthi Coverage (Rombha Santosham). I am using my cellfone unlike before. So just incase you want to reach me you can take a right from Vontikoppal circle or call me at 9972963349. Am also on Gtalk till 10 in the morning and after 5 in the evening.

*** So they can ,without much effort, wrap that tie around and roll you down the slope at the entrance.
PS: I am not lying.
PS 2 : I really am not.

Chak De India !!!!

2007-08-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

Please stand up and applaud this beautifully made sports flick . Kudos to Shah Rukh Khan for taking up this one. Few things can go wrong when the king Khan is in control. So, I wont review this movie but let me tell you, i have this feeling : if you have already watched the movie you probably are saying "may be one more time...". And those of you who haven't watched it yet, stop staring at your monitors and go grab your tickets. Waste no time and go roar with the crowd in the cinema. The movie's a thumbs down winner.

Verdict : A 4.5 on 5.
Must Watch!!!!

And now for the man of the moment: Kumble - " Chak De " . Congratulating his maiden century at the oval today. It indeed has been a glorious career. This is for you.

Shankardada Zindabad : A Review

2007-07-30T05:25:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer. Strictly for Telugu movie goers and people who are wondering who the big-butt in the picture is.

Am just back after watching Shankardada Zindabad; the remake of a truely brilliant movie Lage Raho Munnabhai. I remember I watched Lage Raho on the day of its release in Ahmedabad and immediately after the show , i said "Send it to the Oscars" . It came close to being the Indian nomination but in the end missed out. I wanted to see how good it's telugu remake would be. For starters, the movie's directed by Prabhudeva and Shankardada is played by Mega Star Chiranjeevi.

The telugu version did not open to the regular Chiranjeevi crowds. The fact that i bought the ticket straight from of the counter is a testimony to that fact. It doesn't happen often with big
starrers in this part of the world.The first day talk too didn't live up to the expectations. All the more reason i wanted to watch it.

The director Prabhudeva played safe and sensibly so by making a frame-to-frame remake of the original.I actually liked what the director did because i think he would have missed the point had he tried to fiddle with original and include something of his own . So first things first, he respected the original like i wanted him to. Prabhudeva and his film one set up for their right intentions.

This being a remake i won't comment on the plot and the screenplay of the movie but one thing to watch out for was the performances. I felt a couple of roles were terribly miscast. The villain and especially the heroine. She looked inadequate in the movie and we missed Boman Irani and Arshad Warsi bigtime. So a few scenes looked a little out of place. This made the scores level. One set each.

But wait, that's only a part of the story.Having watched so many hollywood movies and having seen actors from Humphrey Bogart to the that little girl Abigail Breslin is Little miss Sunshine , we often tend to downplay our own actors. I did that too hundreds of times. But let me get things straight here. We have brilliant actors too and Chiranjeevi is one of them . I know some of them will hate me for but i mean to say Chiranjeevi is one great actor. Like it or not. So full marks to Chiranjeevi for carrying this role with his usual panache.
So that makes it 2-1 to Shankardada Zindabad.

The main surprise came when i was looking forward to watch that sequence which was excellent in the original . The pan-spitting and the old uncle-stripping episode. To everyones surprise Prabhudeva didn't remake them but simply dubbed them to telugu. I thought he could have done better considering there would be people who already watched Lage raho. So after a tuff fourth set, 2-2 it is. (Some of them might have liked it and sealed it 3-1 for the movie but i thought otherwise)

But here's the decider. The numerous guest appearances that were well timed. You will find a few biggies in the industry there but the highlight of the movie for someone who's already watched the original was the rocking item number "Akalesthe" rendered by Mamtamohan Das and to which none other than YanaGupta sizzled on screen.
So that long sentence seals it for Shankardada Zindabad. It wins three sets to two. Not extraordinary but definetely watchable. Especially if you haven't seen the original !!!

P.S: I confess, i thought "Neal and Nikki" was watchable. [:D]

Post No 34 : Mascot Launch

2007-07-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Karthik : He must be on the flight to Atlanta while am writing this. A Good friend , a better artist and an excellent human being whose notes helped us clear most of our courses at DA-IICT, gives me one more reason to thank him. This caricature of mine. Now, the problem with the word "Thank you" is, it's used too frivolously and frequently irrespective of the level of gratitude you want to express. So i tried finding another word to thank Karthik but looks like there's no better word. So here it goes Karthik . A big "THANK YOU".

And finally ..."Know more Nonsense" has it. Its mascot(s).

I haven't christened them yet but Boblichki has agreed to come up with a name. He was known for his "thunder thighs" , his Jumbo Thali and his ability to sit on the PC for 30 consecutive hours doing nothing productive. He owns the Hyderabad Community on orkut, so if you want any community to be added in the "related communities" feel free to scrap him. :P

Once again i thank Karthik, Rashmi and Boob-li for making this happen . And i especially want to thank these five regular readers of mine : Evv, Ree, Won, Auff, Yue. :)

P.S: This is the closest i could come to no-nonsense.

Out of Boredom.

2007-07-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

So. Here i am without the usual month long break between posts. Why? The Joblessness before my first job. Guys suffer from this i-can't-sit-so-idle problem twice in their lives. Once before their first job and again after they retire. So what do guys do during these phases. In all probability they login to social networking sites and add anonymous profiles. The guys you see adding profiles like "Career forum- Center for CAT coaching" ( and i mean profiles here not communities) , are most likely waiting for their first job. I dare not go beyond this point because nowhere does anyone make fun of jobless guys. Not even on "Know More Nonsense". So we better take up something we are entitled to pass judgments on. Yes, i am talking gals here.

Gals are so much fun to shop around with. You go with them to shop, they pick up what they want and you come out. No,wait . Shopping isn't so simple with them. So we see that this is, in fact, not a good example, and we should just move on.

One thing they are really good at is multitasking. I wonder how could one watch "Kyun ki", say "wow" and hold the remote at the same time while we guys are busy challenging our manhood, trying to open the soft-drink bottle with our teeth and doing nothing else.When it comes to TV watching they hit the "male" on its head. "Close up Antakshari " when United is playing Liverpool at Anfield, "Mom Zone" when Sachin is on fire and such like.

They can get up and ask questions like "Are you emotionally balanced for a long term relationship" while you are busy figuring out how the vibrating condom works. Guys from Madhya Pradesh do not have such problems because they have banned anything that vibrates including the cellphone. That will get you rid of most of the problems i tell you.

But let's give them their due credit for this. They appreciate brainy people. Don't you know they prefer a Wipro employee with a good sense of humour to a bare-chested John Abraham? They infact prefer Prof. John Abraham who teaches astrophysics to the cut and chiseled John in Jism.

We could go on like this for hours but my point is ,after reading this post you must have realised there's a lesson there, that guys lie when they want to and when they have nothing to do.

Now for some real news and i am not making this up: Updates on "Know More Nonsense". I planned to launch a blog mascot sometime back . One of those fun things i wanted to do and I asked for some friends' help. Though i am waiting for some more of them to pour in, i thought i should publish this. Rashmi from Newyork, no New Jersey , no some "New" place in the US sent me this. A caricature of mine which she calls "Junglee macho" . Rashmi is doing her MS is Bio Medical Engineering and specializes in heart valves and other implants. [:P]. She's also known as the girl whose profile-pic once kicked ass. "Know More Nonsense" thanks her for the effort. [:)]

P.S for the Jobless: "Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time you've got" and remember our maha mantra " Were in; we're out; we're done!" and we are only talking effectiveness here.

I love these Miyans

2007-07-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hyderabad is not the most happening of places. True, if you have not stayed long enough to visit the "gallia" in the "scootera" here. Most people take the pubs , the restaurants ,the of hangouts and the likes as a measure of the greatness-quotient of a city. If you are looking for these in Hyderabad let me tell you , you might end up dissapointed. But the real Hyderabad is here, on the streets . Yes, the streets of Old city, Charminar, Monda Market and Sultan Bazar to name a few. I know i am digressing but talking of Sultan Bazar, it probably boasts of the highest density of female lingerie shops in the world including that country Amsterdam. No, Amsterdam is a city i am told . So it must be Czechoslovakia. So Sultan Bazar it is, the place to wait for your long-lost-school-time love. Coming back to the streets, by streets i mean the commoners like you , me and the scooter mechanic that make up these streets. I call them the "miyans": Hyderabadi by heart. These people are the soul of this city.These are the same people who help you park your car in the most crowded of streets . They are also the ones always ready to "gusad a bumboo" if you called Chiranjeevi or Salman Khan names.The "selectively take it peaceful" types.They do not think too much about what people think about them whick makes them what they are. Complete fun machines.I recently happened to meet one of them. A guy who worked in a small PC repair shop. My external hard disk was creating problems and i had to take it to their shop for repair. Our miyan was sitting outside fiddling with a CPU while singing "Partner partner. Love me baby. Chuck de phatte".
What followed was .

Me: Anna!!

Miyan: "Partner partner. Love me baby" happily involved in his work.

Me: Arey oo anna!!

Miyan: "Bolo Hero" with that energy and warmth the receptionist at the Marriot couldn't beat.

Me: Iska kuch problem horra.

Miyan : Aisa?? Bhaito thodi dher.

Me : Arey jaldi jaana hey yaaron. Lele.

Miyan: Kya hero tension lera tu . De idhar. Kya problem hain.

Me: Pata nahin. Detect nahi hora.

Miyan: Acha teekh hain. Saab ko dikhana padega. (Then came the moment)
Saab ye hard diks to dekho. Koyi problem hain.
(again looking at me):Poora Hyderabad main sabhi ke Hard Diksaa se problem hain boss. Poore karrab ho jaare. Pehle tho Kirrak chal rahe the. 24 hours. Abhi tho dho dho minute ko problem aara.

I just couldn't stop myself. I had to laugh out . And i did.

Miyan: Kya hua boss. Hasre tum.

Me: "Diksaa nahi anna. Diskaa bolte. Hard Disk." smiling.

Miyan: Arey kuch bhi anna. Hum school jaake English, 123 nahi seekhe anna. Sirf 143 aata humko.
Teekh hain. Kal aajana lene ke liye.

Me : "Teekh hain." still smiling.

Miyan: " Anna. ye try karo ek bar. ye" trying to touch his nose with his tongue. "Subah se nayi hora"

Me : " Arey! choD hero. Mere se nahi hota. Kal aata hu phir"

Miyan :" Ok kal aajana. Pakka teekh kar doonga aapka Diks ko"

It was a thoughtful way back home. "123 nahi seekhe anna. Sirf 143 aata humko" meant so much. His bonhomie meant so much. The last few hours of my life sure seemed more interesting than the rest of it. And i still was trying to touch my nose with my tongue as i got off my car.

Ahmedabad-->Hyderabad-->???

2007-05-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

It feels like eternity since i left DA-IICT on the 12th of May. Life's bloody boring and there's nothing much you can do about it. You don't really miss college until you have actually left the place once in for all. The night outs, the LAN, the playground, the canteen, the gossip , the friends. All gone in one day. There have been times when i doubted if would blog again; because college had so much to do with my posts and my life in general. Nostalgia hits me and it hits me hard. As if this wasn't enough i came to know i won't get my caution deposit ( that i paid 4 years back) back because i didn't submit my ID, my table keys and the bird-flue clearance certificate. Weird are the rules of college i thought.

Back in Hyderabad things are; there is no pretty way of putting this; BAD : " Bored and Almost Dead " i call it. Why "Almost "?? Because "The wonder Years" and the pretty girl in our neighborhood are making me feel just about OK. I realised my summer was going nowhere just looking at that girl and so decided to hit some happening multiplexes in the city. One of the places where girls where minnies and those "Sania" T-shirts with naughty one liners on them. I love reading what's written across their T but am afraid to look long enough to make it out. I tried reading a couple but all i could manage was
"Don't........."
"Look.........." and
"Perverts..."
on three girl shirts. Some message there but i am not going to give up so easily. Not at all. So what do i do??? Go to those girls and say "I can do this without your permission, but could i read what's on your tee?". You couldn't ask more from a guy , could you?? But wait. That is not what i did. Instead i decided to crash into a rip-me-off mall to check out all the female Tees. I had to find out. I just had to. I lost my sense of embarrassment those three hours when i dug into every possible T-shirt that had something written on it. Though i couldn't find the exact lines but i now know all the lines that could be printed on a female shirt. Well, almost.

I came back home, caught up with some break-the-headlight-cricket in the parking lot . The lines kept ringing in the head. "Speed breakers ahead" , "Careful . Slippery " and stuff. So to distract myself i switched on the television only to learn it was JEE results that day. Coaching institutes virtually roadblocked all channels with their advertisements. Their hyperbole was, i knew for one, inaccurate. I have always maintained that i was against corporate colleges in Andhra Pradesh and i feel even more strongly now. And what have i read today?. Narayana Coaching Centre is coming up with "IIT Schools " to train students for JEE from class 6. Yes, you read it right. Class 6. Absolute bull-shit i say. As a student who went through the coaching grind for the JEE i know what it takes to crack the JEE. It's ludicrous to say you will train them from class 6. They raise a four storeyed building in the most crowded of streets. The schools have no playground, no great extra cirriculars but extended "Study Hours". 8 to 5. Imagine. They rob you of any hint of creativity you have but they will teach you "numbers in a relativistic frame" . And if this 6th grade thing happens, i am sure they'll be tearing down the concept of school education. To put it simply: They are robbing you of your childhood.

Enough of them .Got a little carried away having just read the newspaper. So that's all i wanted to write and one more thing ; you’re missing part of the show if you’re skipping the Comments. Things happen in there! Oh, man, do things happen in there! Go join the party!!!!

Gyan unlimited

2007-04-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

So looks like i am back to my blogging habit. Feel like blogging whenever I have time. The feedback hasn’t been great though. Some of them have complained my posts have become too much nonsense and have begun calling it an all-fart-no-shit-blog. So here I am to ensure there’s more shit from now on and i hope you won't call it “Shitty” then.

Back to business. It’s my last month at DA-IICT. These four years have been heavenly. Absolute bliss. I should tell you I’ll miss all the Jeep rides here in Gandhinagar. The private transport works quite effectively here . You have jeeps designed to carry 12 people and which will depart as soon as 18 people have boarded. The gear-seat is the most exciting and one may pay an extra two rupees for it. Gear-seat is where you sit beside the driver with your legs on either side of the gear handle . Every time the driver changes gear all you can do is close your eyes and hope; like Bobli puts it; " the singular doesn’t hit the plural”. It used to be great fun and I’ll miss it. Miss you and your jeep, taxi bhaiyya .

Like I told you the only three things that have been kept me busy all this semester are Cricket, Football and instant messaging. Football is getting exciting these days with Chelsea not making it easy for us United fans and add to that all the exciting spot-the-ball contests on ESPN-STAR. I have been trying to formulate an algorithm to spot the ball, applicable universally to all the pictures, all the sports and I am happy to tell you , I have cracked it. And as my blog readers you will be the first few to know it and you can proudly tell your grandchildren that you were among the first ones to learn the STB (Spot the Ball) algorithm. Over to the algorithm now.

Step 1: Look at the picture
Step 2: See who’s the player
Step 3: Now comprehend the grid. For example .B-2 is the top left square of the grid.
Step 4: Look closely at the player
Step 5: Now more closely
Step 6 :If you find the ball ,continue to next step ,else goto Step 4
Step 7: Verify if it’s the player’s middle. Ya exactly, in our example it must be G-8.
Step 8: Go do a celebration run

So there you have, the invaluable algorithm. Next time you just have to spot “them” and you can a win a free trip to Rome.

Our next "Gyan" topic is instant messaging. After the birth of the SMS lingo and then the IM lingo we now have the LOL lingo often used by girls while chatting. If you haven’t heard of anything like this then you are not alone. Let me explain.The LOL language has only one word . Yes, the single word “LOL”. People convey everything with just this one word. There’s one girl whom I chat with who speaks this language. It works like this.

LOL (Hi)
LOL (Laugh Out Loud)
LOL (I am doin gud)
LOL (Shut up you sexual pervert)
LOL (All male bastards are like that)
LOL (Now stop bugging me. Get lost you arse)
LOL (K then . I’m leaving. Please don’t buzz me ever again)
LOL (BYE. TC. GN. DIE)

So without ever saying anything they do convey many things. Now you know what excessive usage of LOL means. Oye!!! The LOL- girl is online. Have to buzz her. All’s fair as long she looks good. No? So, I have to leave but before I do; don’t miss me winning some big bucks on CNBC-TV18 on Saturday (21.4.07) 6:00 PM and the repeat telecast the next day (22.4.07) 5:30 PM. Bye then. :)

New Week. New post

2007-03-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's time i started putting down things on a paper before i forget them. Every time i sit down to write something, the only thing i can recollect is that i had peed four minutes back. Nothing else. It's usually then that i sit down to blog. Early in the morning , fresh air and peaceful music. You get what i mean, right??

It's that time of the year when you are motivated to do nothing at all except to see Ireland play England in the Cricket world cup and hope you don't fall asleep like all the other spectators in the stadium. Probably cricket is the only game where spectators sleep and half the players are busy reading about Rakhi Sawant (Ohh! I absolutely love her) in the newspapers while the match is on.It's a nasty thing to say as a captain of the college cricket side but is it not the Indian team's fault ?? There you go people.That is where you are wrong .No, it's not the Indian team's mistake. I have great respect for them. What was their fault after all?? They rescued all the office-goers from reaching their offices late and in the process rescued these people from the desert of unemployment and delivered them to the promised land of working thus helping the nation keep-up it's productivity. So, let's appreciate their sacrifice and stand by them and their families in these trying times. I am standing by Zaheer's girlfriend . Yes! that Kisna girl. And you??

While you think that up ,let's discuss that Srilankan bowler who looks extremely weird and releases the ball at weird angles - Moohmelelo Malinga. No Lasith Malinga. What a bowler?? The Dennis Rodman of world cricket. The batsmen simply can't stand him, so much so that they
are willing to give away four wickets in four balls. By the way talking about Lasith , the largest read English daily on this planet - TOI had this to say about him on their front page which in general parlance is known as Page 3 .

"The paceman with the low-slung round-arm action, bleach-blond hair and eyebrow ring dismissed Shaun Pollock, Andrew hall, Jacques Kallis and Makhaya Ntini in an INCREDIBLE LANKAN VICTORY in the super eight match here."

Clearly their tag line must be- Times of India, we don't read it ourselves. And one more thing before i forget ; listen to A R Rehman's new English number "Pray for me, Brother". Though i personally feel the video sucks i am kind of liking the song. I am getting bored to death these days with the college administration deciding to block all instant messengers . They claim chatting eats up 30% of our free time which we could use to write softwares like Gtalk and Orkut like the employees at google do in their free time at office. What they do not realise is , it only makes us watch 30% more porn. Nothing much otherwise. I doubt that is what happens at google too. [:P].

So without wasting much of my 30% extra free time. I take leave. Bye. [:)]

P.S: Din proof read it. Don blame me for all those mistakes.

Finally....

2007-03-22T10:04:00.001-07:00

First things first. If you ever thought there was anything real about World Cup Cricket, let me tell you a secret: There isn't. And if you ever thought there was anything real about my telling you that i had no time to blog , let me tell you another secret: I bluffed successfully. So after hajaar questions, a 'D' grade , five beaches and a couple of months i am blogging again.

I lived half my life traveling in the last two months. First it was NIT Surat , where we attended a couple of quizzes . The experience of traveling to NIT Surat was good except that i had to sit next to the toilet in the general compartment and look at the guy who was reading a photocopy of a newspaper. Weird!! Coming back to the quizzes we managed podium finishes in both the quizzes . Second and third in the two quizzes to be precise.
Next was TATA crucible about which i have flaunted enough. People have begun referring to me as " that ass who carries his winners' cheque to the bathroom". So i have decided not to talk about it.

Instead i'll finish this thing on quizzes with some interesting trivia:
Q) Which brand of condoms is banned in Russia?
A) "Put In" [:P]

Recent study showed that 100% of men are unhappy with the number of girls in their friends-list. Unfortunately, it was my study, and it consisted only of asking myself, but the point is these things compel you to go on a vacation to a place where you can find bikini-clad women , a lot of alcohol and briefs for twenty rupees. So we set out to goa. In the train it was great fun as usual with a couple of cute little girls in our cubicle singing :

Aa meena (clap clap clap) katta meena
singa song (clap clap clap) dance a dance (clap clap clap)
husha busha we all fall down (slap the boy in front)
(giggles)

or something like that. I used to sing that with my niece except that we mutually agreed there would be no slapping and stuff. So where were we? Yes, Goa. . Smirnoff, Bacardi, water sports and a United win followed and I lost some weight , colour and a wallet in the process. After what was a great vacation i had to give my BTech project presentation. As i expected ,got a 'D' . My first in a technical course. I should mention i have a very encouraging mentor. So encouraging that he would actually yell " C'mon PSR . C'mon .You can do it", when he wants you to smile for a photograph .

Then off to Bombay i went , i saw and had some great food at Leopold's cafe.

So those were the things that kept me busy these many days. That's it for the updates but until we meet again, let's not forget the lessons we've learned together:

1. Don't take anyone seriously when one says he has a secret to tell. In all probability will confess he didn't wear his underwear, like one of my friends did at Goa.
2. Do not buy your shorts for twenty bucks.
3. Never regret a bad grade. Just go blast that professor on his head. It must be very satisfying.
4. Make it a point to visit this blog every week from now on.

CNBC and 30,000 INR.

2007-02-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

:)

P.S: Kk, a full length post will follow.

A Captain's Account

2007-01-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

Disclamer: A cross post from Entelechy. Long post. Continue reading at your own risk and only if you are interested in finelegs and extra covers.The veracity of the article is questionable except for the scores and results.

I was asked to write our experience in the just concluded 'Chimanbhai patel Cricket Tournament". It was the first time DA-IICT was 'officially' participating in a tournament at the university level.We had a very strong 16 member squad with a strategically chosen 12th man, Laveen. One of those players you chose so that you have fun while he craked his trademark jokes on our way back to the college. He asked questions like " fineleg ko fineleg kyun bula the hain??" , could throw trivia bits like this one: " Vo kaun tha jo bahut donation kiya AIDS ko, haan Warret Buffon" and even asked the jeep driver "Arey yaar 'PSR' kuch naam hota hai kya? Gandha lagtha hain T-shirt par". Btw talking about T-shirts , Yes we had T-shirts with our names and numbers on them. While i chose number 11 for some weird reason, Ganguly-obsessed Rama naturally chose 99 , Pratik shah chose 13 to prove (or disprove )a point and Mittal chose 14 for i think he admired Henry the Fourteenth or something. Atleast that is what our opening bowler Rahul told me.

So lets leave the numbers behind and get back to cricket. The day before our first match. We all were in the SAC discussing our startegies and what we would need the next day during the match . The strategists Preveen and Tushar though were conspicuous by their absence. I told Anshuman and Thakur that only one of them would be playing in the eleven and that would be the first tough decision i take. We decided we needed 2 dozens Bananas, 4 packets Frito lays (though i bullied for kurkure) and orange flavoured Glucon-D along with the basic First Aid we already had.

DAY 1:

Match day. 7:00 in the morning in the terrible cold we set off to Ahmedabad on our Jeep. Imagine 15 of us with those jumbo sized kits on our laps , some of us slipping off the seats and to top it up we had " Ek baar AuWWWW JaWWW" playing in the background. Not a good start i thought. Doesn't matter, "we dont need much luck to beat 'Junagadh Agricultural University' ",I reminded myself. We had pan -India talent afterall with 6 of the 11 players from Hyderabad. We got onto the pitch , shook hands with our opposition and it was time for the toss. I always thought the two sides of the coin were called 'Heads' and Tails. But the umpire called them something like 'king' and 'king's sister'. So i allowed the opposite captain to call and the next moment i knew i won the toss . I chose to field first . Meanwhile Anshuman and Shashank got the bad news.They were not in the eleven .

On the field as expected Rahul ripped the opposition apart while Partik Shrivastav kept things tight at the other end to reduce the opposition to 13/5 in six overs. Dream start it was.The fielding was also looking good with our most vocal fielder Arun and Thakur showing great commitment. Tushar as always contributed with his useful tips from the slips. Then came this batsman all geared up. Left handed, helmet, thigh guard, elbow guard and other mandatory-guards in place. He played sensibly , got stuck at one end and diluted the bowling.Things were getting easy for him. The elbow guard came off, he gave his thigh guard to the umpire and things got a little tricky when he took even his abdomen guard off and handed it over to the umpire. The umpire hesitantly took it. But luckily we were able to take wickets at the other end and were able to restrict them for 152 in 37 overs. Not great considering that we had half their team out in the first six overs.

Match resumed after the lunch break. Openers Tushar and Arun start confidently but Tushar got out without many on the board. Some poor running between the wickets had us in trouble at 30/3. The captain didn't help the cause either. Got out without much fight and then Rohit Mittal soon followed when he was looking really good. Match precariously placed at 75/5. Then it came . It had to. Mayank and Rama sailed us home with 8 overs to go. Mayank not out on a more-responsible-than-magnificient 53. some great shots on the off side. He played them all. Mayank had to get it. For a batsman of his quality this was due and he got it when it mattered. Rama's 24 was invaluable. Priceless partnership.

DAU- 152 allout in 37 overs (Rahul 4 wickets)
DAIICT- 153/5 in 32 overs
My Men of the Match : Mayank and Rahul .

Next match: Quarter final against Nirma who got a 'walkover' today.

DAY 2:

Same team except that Naveen replaced Laveen who fell ill and Nimesh came in for Brijesh as the 12th man. We were a confident bunch but not a fully fit one i was afraid. Two matches of 40 overs a side on consequitive days isn't easy.Like all good captains do, i won the toss again [:)] and chose to field again. The bowling wasn't as tight i must say , but we struck at regular intervals. But they were looking good at 75/4 in 14 overs. I was getting mentally prepared to chase 190-200. We were drooping a bit. After drinks we decided to tighten up the fielding and to put pressure on the opposition. And then this happened. Short covers.-PSR . Arun Bowling . Batsman drives hard , hard as in really hard. I dive full length to my left and there it sticks. Ball caught hand. OUT. I know i am being immodest here but it really was a good catch.Then we put pressure on the batsman, every bowling change worked. Mittal, Pratik Shrivastav, Shah, Mayank all of them striking. It took a great catch from wicket keeper Praveen to wrap up the innings at a meagre 135. Arun finished with 4/38 and lead us off the field. Nirma knew they had lost the game even before the second innings started. One guy even wished me good luck for our next match with Saurashtra University.

Cricket is a tricky game . How true. We get off to a disastrous start with the top 4 batsman contributing only 5 runs with the bat among them. Score 17/4 in 9 overs. Me and Mayank at the crease.Mayank back from an unbeaten 50 and i expected him to stay but that didn't happen. Mayank got out soon and we were in deep shit at i think 27/5.Mittal came in. We told each other we would take on the attack . No point defending each ball. Runs came and they came easily. We got runs with the typical PSR-Mittal panache . Our partneships work really well and it did today. We were now on 96/5. Myself on 36 and Rohit on 20 something.Needed 40 of 15 overs and 5 wickets in hand. Right then i got out to lazy shot and Rohit followed immediately. We needed 40 with 3 wickets in hand. Pratik shah scored some useful runs to take us to 111/7. 25 of 10 overs needed. Pratik shah on strike, Bowled. Next over Rama caught at square leg. "Not again" i thought. 25 with one wicket in hand. Pratik shrivastav and Rahul in the crease.Both of them showed great maturity and rotated the strike beautifully with Pratik scoring the odd boundary. We had out hearts in our mouths. With each passing ball the heart beat doubled. Each appeal against us had it tripled. But the batsmen hung on. All we needed now was 7 of 12 balls. One wicket in hand. Pratik hit a boundary over the mid wicket two overs back. Now 7 needed of 10. He wanted to do it again. It looked as if he hit it neatly. I thought it was a boundary, had my hands in the air only to realise the ball landed safely in the fielder's hands at mid on. All over. DA-IICT loses by six runs. All of them were down and dejected. Nirma had pulled off an impossible victory. A lot of discussion followed. "What if i din play that shot??". "What if i had eaten Puri instead of Poha in the morning"."We would have won if we continued listening to Salaam -e-ishq in the jeep instead of switching to Himesh". Weird theories followed . Even the jeep driver had an opinion. "Tum tikk gaye ho tho, i would have come tomorrow too" (He said it in Hindi. Language problem u see.) Their ended our tour and our contract with the jeep guy.

Update Update : Finished 2nd in the IMS quotient quiz for the 2nd time in a row just 2 days after we lost to Nirma in the 2nd round. The number 2 jinx.

I'm lovin these...

2007-01-07T22:53:00.000-08:00

Tam Rap or whatever you want to call them. You just can't help but love them. So without much nonsense, here they go.

1. Madai Thiranthu

2. Indian girlz

Yogi B rocks. Enjoy!!!

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

Wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year.
Hope all the festivals and national holidays fall on non-weekend days.

Of low angles, city buses and the element silicon

2006-12-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Hi people, so a post after a really long time. Must confess the last couple of months have not been good. Hence the lean blogging period. But now i am back , i mean back to Hyderabad.This place makes me feel so good each time i come back.
I have been doing a lot of things since the last couple of days, all thanks to the senseless programs on Gemini and E tv (EEee tv??), except that chakravakam and that serial on 'how to clean the dining table every afternoon' though.

I have been going around in city-buses after a very long time. You know it's exam time and the buses here are packed with students on their way to their exams . One of them asked me curiously 'what is NaHCO3 called' obviously nervous about the exam he was going to take. I replied that i didn't remember .He then whispered something to his friend. I heard him saying something like " He must have stood 67th in a class of 60 in his school". Smart kids i thought having got used to such insinuations by my six year old niece.

I have also been trying my hand at paper rockets .I used to be the undisputed champion in my school days. I could fold the paper to form the contours of a rocket and throw it as far as 10 meters. I tried the same thing yesterday from our balcony on the fourth floor but this time it travelled only 10 centimeters and landed on our watchman's head who was listening to his favourite song 'crazy kiya re' ; while my niece was clapping and shouting 'your bird hit the watchman. Shame shame puppy shame' and such like.

Our street cricket is back too. I have learnt a new shot called the 'Low angled shot' ;inspired from the now ubiquitous 'sting' operations on our news-channels. They always have low angled shots which have a long term effect on high society people.

I have also learnt how to make a dolphin using 'paper waste paste' and an empty bottle. I have always loved painting , dancing and stuff . Even sreesanth was a national level dancer in his eighth grade i have learnt. All successful people start painters or dancers you see.

Ahh forget to tell you about my horrible train journey back home. It has inspired me to start writing a really long account on '10 reasons why not to travel in sleeper class with a confirmed ticket'. i have decided to do that later but for now i am on silicon implants; i mean researching on silicon stuff and how Baywatch had us glued to the television screens for those many years. First time i looked at them i thought they were some new age tomatoes of the 2050's. Have a look at it yourself here.The more exotic version here.

Apart from the implants and the rockets and the shots i have been reading a couple of books. A Wodehouse and a Telugu book. I make it a point to read a Telugu book while at home and right now i am consuming ' Tappu cheddam Randi ' by Yandamoori Veerendranath. Nice book i must say ,just in case anyone is interested .

So that's the news from my side, and make sure you drop in your comments. It's been a long break and comments now can be very encouraging. [:)]

"A bunch of printed papers"

2006-11-20T04:56:00.000-08:00

Hi people!! Didn't think i would blog today , one day after i took my CAT exam. Atleast not with such a news in hand. Yes, i screwed it bigtime. "Not one more time" i say to myself. The whole world changes in matter of minutes. It's the time when no words of encouragement will calm you down the only thing that runs through your mind is that you failed when it mattered. Your "super" ranks in the Mocks don't count anymore. You are faced with the harsh reality that you have wait for one more year.No less.I desperately want to take pride in the fact that i put in a sincere effort but somehow there's this overwhelming feeling that i failed .
"A bunch of printed papers does not change who you are" (in bobli's words) but that bunch of papers can make you feel miserable, really miserable. This is the saddest i have felt in years. I want to record this feeling of sadness and that is why i am blogging today. May sound insane but still.

Lines which sound like a joke to me right now:

"This is not the end of the road." -But this is not where i wanted to take that U-turn either.
"Hope is a good thing and good things never die"- Agree.
"There's always next time"- But one year is a bloody long time to take vengeance.

The Line i love now:
(Quantisation of murphy's Law)
"Everthing goes wrong, and goes wrong all at once." [:)]

"Feeling good?, don't worry, you'll get over it."-Priceless

Experienced what "mind-numbing " was and how a sleepless night felt like. All in one day. Eventful day. Wasn't it. Didn't give parents a call. But i'm not alone. Friends have been a great support. Thank you guys.Most of them did well and i am very happy for them. Hope they reach the places they aspired to .Wishing them all the very best..
----------
Update Update : A week has passed and i remind myself:

A test- is only a yardstick- a measurement of how successfully you have learned. You do not pass or faila atest(words like pass and fail represent extremes; they sound as if you are placing your life on the line , as if you are gambling everything ona single throw of a dice).A test, realistically is a metering device, much like one of
the dials on the dashboard of your car.Such dials tell you whether you need to refill your tank ,how many miles you have driven since the lst lube job, etc.In short,the indicators provide information for more efficient driving- they do not access youa s a person.

So, chuck that upper half of the post. [:P]. Will be back with better posts. I promise.

:(

2006-10-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Not the best of weeks. Donno why, but am feeling dumb and inadequate. Trying every
possible way to get out of this. Anyways one of those days you sit on the net just to keep yourself occupied with absolutely no agenda. You go where the links take you. Four hours of continous browsing with some lovely music playing in the background. Dor songs are playing in a loop and am loving it. Especially the two songs "Yeh Honsla" and "Iman ka asar". Talking about feeling dumb ; found this piece on the net. Sorta feeling better now after reading it. It said:

Math can be hard, even for the biggest brains around. Mathematicians may spend hours
just trying to figure out a line of equations. All the while, they feel dumb and stupid. Then one day, these young mathematicians become established, become professors, acquire secretaries and offices. They don’t want to feel stupid anymore. And they stop doing great work.

Taking solace of the fact that feeling dumb is not that bad actually. I started wanting to write something funny today to change my mood. But somehow my mood is getting the better of me. Just one of those days, i know. Not feeling funny at all. So, lemme leave before you think i have gone insane.

P.S: Don't mind the senseless post. i don't even feel like editing it. Bad Bad day.

Hyderabadi Comedy!!

2006-09-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Wrote this for desicritics.org. Check it out and drop in your comments.

Fotowallahs

2006-09-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

If you thought this is one of those "you pee, i pee , we all will pee together at full flow " pic, then you are WRONG. Look closely.

The guys from left in order are Chinna, Munna and Panduranga. Ignore the cows for the moment. Like always one of them panduranga wanted this "let as all pee" pic. Chinna and Munna reluctantly agreed. Both of them did not show anything personal to cows till then. Panduranga wanted the pic to look original and so he asked them to... you know what.
So, while Chinna nd Munna diligently stood holding theirs', Panduranga was caught searching for his. LOL. Look at the pic below. (Click on it for a better view.)

LMAO. By the way this was during our Abu tour. August 2006.

Why -o-Why??

2006-08-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

It was seven in the morning and i had nothing to do basically . So, thought i should clean my inbox(es). It's been long since i have cleaned it up. It was flooded with spam from IMS , DTDC ,KC , DAIICT webmail, Seshadri , Chaturvedi and some important mails from Alena, Pedrova and Patricia; all from Brazil. In the process came across some interesting mails, about which i had thought of blogging sometime back but somehow managed to completely forget them . I am not very sure whether it is ok to post someone's sincere mail enquiring about something very serious. But i think it's ok as long as i don't reveal their identities. I have received three mails from three different people in the last coupla weeks . I am posting two of them here.

The first one :

Hi Chaitanya,

I was looking into your coverage on Chikun Gunya and also looked into the details. I am interested not in CG but HT. Can you please check with your friend and let me know the name and address of the doctor who did the operation and at the same time

1. Was it succesful
2. How much it costed
3. How much time it took
4. Is this advisable

Please help me with details.

Thank you - ****

The Second One:

Hey PSR

Did you ever get a hair transplant? Was it successful? Who was the Doctor? Any info would help buddy…I am looking at getting one done and don't know of any good Docs at a decent price in Mumbai.

Take care

**************.

Now stop laughing. This whole confusion emerged because of one of my posts on chicken guniya where i claimed to be a reporter for LPTV and that i was doing research on Hair Transplantation. I didn't know people would take me seriously but some of them have. Atleast the three of them who have written in to me. (I am happy there are three people on this planet who take me seriously .) Now let me clarify. I never had an Hair Transplant and don't intend to have one. All i know about it is that it costs about Rs 25 per follicle. Assume you need to transplant 1000 follicles. An exorbitant amount by any standards.

All the 762 follicles you see on my head are the original ones and have never been messed around . I believe the bald guys will be the hot ones by 2010. Guys will be tonsuring their heads to look sexy, but we will look naturally sexy [:P]. So all you would-be-bald people , stop worrying. We are the nation's next movie stars. Let the hair fall and it will lead us to our glory road.

Conclusion: Hair transplant is an absolute no-no. Dont waste your money on it. Instead pay me for my for my invaluable advice. And most importantly don't write to me on 'HT' again . I know nothing more and i can't help you any further.

2006-08-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

No classes, no fun. Life very sedate here. Getting bored to death. So, no inspiration and hence no new posts.

Why do good girls fall for ...??

2006-07-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Bullshit!Thud!!PhatakKK!!! Wait a moment.. let me throw these glass pieces out. The second one i broke in the last half an hour......All these days like a total idiot I assumed
gals fall for affable, suave, moderate guys and what happened today: I have come to know that one more gal in my best gals list is now committed to that guy in my biggest jerk list. Ya, the same guy we used to call "Mysore Banda " in school. I don't have a problem with his excessive flab or his ugly crocadile hair cut. I hate him for what he is : a jerk in every sense of the word. One more reason to hate him. I lose my 100 bucks.Oh yes!! i did bet on his getting kicked.Royally!. Afterall i thought the gal was one of the brainiest i met .Now i have my doubts. Did any research in recent times conclude -" As good looking , apparently-wise gals grow older, their brains shrink." If there is one like that, it must be right.

Back to this guy.Lets call him "Banda" hereafter. It is because of these guys like Banda that guys like me : single, sincere and desperate don't stand a chance.We can't fake that "hey baby" accent.We can't send ugly SMS's like "This sms can only be read by someone SEXY" followed by this one "he he..nice one no??" and then the gal replies "Ya wonderful!! Brilliant . How Creative . I loved it". Aaha..

I see so many such guys around . In the cinema halls, parties and in the malls. I keep an eye on them from a distance and i just keep hoping this happens --

VVRZOOOM BANGGGG...a fighter plane comes crashing down on him before he introduces himself to the gal. Then i go running , jump into the flames and i finally save the gal. The gal is in my arms ..I look at her , she looks at me. The fire fighters are spraying water over us. Both of us are all drenched up and it's time for that rain song- "patti rap".

Err ..was patti rap a rain song?? Who cares. Can i make it anymore obvious. You know both of us would live happily ever after . 'Everafter' can mean 5 minutes right??
I open my eyes only to realise ;the gal and that jerk are on their first date already.Ohh... not again. It felt as if the plane had deviated its path and shot into my butt. ouch!!

I honestly feel guys like these must be sold off to countries like Iran. Afterall the oil prices are on a rise and we need to do something about it. Come on Mr. Minister !! sell them off . "Jerks for Oil" it must read. Hey Gals; you need guys like us, who won't see another gal while on a date with you unless; the other gal is very fair, wearing a very short dress and has a beautiful smile. In short we wont look at another gal unless she looks better or unless we feel we have been with you for as long as two semesters. We promise we will be your friend, guide ,mentor,computer and hunter. Hey! how bout this line. " Madam. i wanna be your Bryan Adam." Nice one na??. I can hear someone saying this one was worse than the SMS. No!! It was not . It was so original and spontaneous. Some guys here have it in them. Lines come naturally to them.:P

Okk!! let me cut this off here. Wouldn't it be nice if we had more spirit here. I am sorry if i offended anyone. Especially those jerks. I was really disturbed today and i even had to break my resolution not to write a blog for the next few weeks, to vent my frustation. And all you Bandas, i am even more sorry for having thought of hurting you. I felt like blasting your head off with my cricket bat. It should have been a hammer and i should have done it.Someone!! Please kill them with kindness. :P.

Update: Had to change the post's title because our college's super-blocker-firewall was denying access to the word "Jerks". I suggest we take inspiration from these firewalls. :P

1984--2004

2006-07-11T04:20:00.000-07:00

I was doing a little bit of trivia research and wanted to see the Apple '1984' Macintosh launch ad. I came across this video on youtube. Though not the original one but this one supposedly was digitally altered by Apple and was released in 2004 to commemorate 20 years of Macintosh.You will find a small but significant change in the ad. Watch it and see if you can catch the difference. For all who haven't seen the ad before,this ad was originally made in 1984. The change is actually very conspicuous. You will enjoy the difference. So, go ahead and watch it.

Reporting from Hyderabad. Deepu. For LPTV.

2006-07-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

Hi, i am Deepu from Loose Pants Television Network famously known as LPTV. The last one month has been very busy for us at LPTV, for we have been doing extensive research on an outbreak of a deadly viral fever called 'Chickun (or chicken??) Guniya'. (Please go through the link to believe it).Immediately after we came to know of this we sent our special correspondent PSR Chaitanya and a freelancer Abhay krishna to Hyderabad where this fever has seen a rise in the past three weeks.

PSR who was making a story on 'We don't have to cry anymore- There's hair transplantation' ,a documentary for people like him who believe in -'The more hair you loose ,the more head you get' has left his dear project to work on this very serious issue- 'The outbreak of Chi kun Guniya- What and Why?'. Abhay, a freelancer, who has been busy doing a report on a multi national company called “ORGy”, rushed from ‘Hi-Tech city’ (where he was doin his report) to capture the essence of this “Chicken-mania”. Oh, by the way, “ORGy” is trying to address the problem of weight-gain and “excessive flab” which is escalating in the “software professionals” community. The heads of the company in an interview have said that they are shortly going to release a product called “Sexy-Flex”, a device which any software professional can use to lose the excess flab and weight while he’s watching porn on his PC.

Now lets get down to our subject 'The outbreak of Chi kun Guniya- What and Why?'.

Chicken guniya: Legend has it that the first incidence of this fever was found in 1755AD in a small village near Nasik ,when a sex-starved guy was affected by this kind of fever.The patient suffered from severe joint pains and had high temperature of about ...actually we couldn't find out the exact temperature. But yes, he did suffer from high fever for about a week. (atleast PSR says so). People in the village assumed that it happened because the guy indulged in acts of physical intimacy (or bluntly ,sex) with a chicken. People called it 'Chicken Guna' , guna here meaning 'sin' , cos they thought it was wrong (They weren't metrosexuals , were they???:P). South indians in the village,ya those two gultis and the mallu girl got the name wrong and started calling it 'chikun guniya'. Slowly 'Chiken guna' became 'Chickun guniya'

So nearly two and a half centuries later we are again getting to hear about 'Chikun guniya'. While PSR was doing his research at his place in Hyderabad , Abhay was on the streets ,talking to the general people in Hyderabad about the awareness of the disease and so forth. After interviewing about 143 people this is what we had:

The name 'Chicken Guniya' was no more used by the Hyderabadi people, especially the ones from the old city area .Instead ,people near Quthbullapur called it 'Chicken Dhuniya' because rumours spread that customers of 'Chicken Dhuniya' - the biggest chicken centre in that area were the ones affected by this fever. The poor guy Sayeed bhai had to shut his shop down.

Here is one of the conversations we overheard:

Friend:Tera chicken dhuniya kaisa hey bey.
Guniya patient:Kya bataoon yaar. Maa ki kirikiri, bahut dard dera baap.aage, peeche, poora baap.

Supposedly this rumour was spread by a house wife in the same area named supraja* for reasons not known to Sayeed bhai. Sayeed Bhai wanted his revenge; so did extensive research to find out the motive behind the rumour. He eventually found out the real reason and we don't exactly know what he did ,but two days later people in and arounf Quthbullapur and Saidabad started calling it 'Chicken Dhaniya'. So, what did he do????

Abhay dug deep into the matter and figured out that supraja, a self proclaimed international chef was very famous for her 'Dhaniya Chicken' receipe and so set up a small chicken shop beside her house. So who ever bought chicken from her shop and paid 10 bugs extra would get a free receipe of 'Dhaniya chicken'. Now you get the connect, right????

Dhuniya to Dhaniya. So lets go all over the dialogue again.

Friend:Tera chicken dhaniya kaisa hey bey.
Guniya patient: Kya bataoon yaar. Mast hota bolke laya re. 10 rupaiye jyadha li baap."ek kilo do" bole tho, "accha hoga bolke 2 kilo lelo. phir nahi milega" bolke dhi baap. Ab dekh kya hua. Uski tho.....

Abhay’s dad has an attender who too thinks that it’s “Chicken Dhaniya”. Here are excerpts from a conversation between him and Abhay’s dad.

Dad: Arey Jowahar, kal nahin aaye kya jee ! dumma kaiku mare??
Jowahar : kya bolon saab, biwi subah uthke boli mere ko “chicken-dhaniya” hai, bachon ko school leke jao aur khana banao. Khana bana bana ke laghta hai mere ko bhi “Chicken dhaniya” ho gaya, pura joint-joint dard kar ra !!!!

With pandemonium reigning supreme in Quthbullapur and Saidabad, Abhay spoke to people from the ‘old city’, the most literate part of Hyderabad (pun intended), who are not ready to accept that a chicken can do any “guna” (sin). They strongly believe that the chicken was made by the Almighty to serve as food to mankind, not to commit sins like adultery (that too with members of another species).They won't accept any name starting with chicken and ending with anything else other than biryani.They will call it 'Chicken Biryani' no matter what. PSR came across a guy who said: "Dhuniya kuch bhi bolne dho, hum tho chicken Biryani hi bolenge.Duniya main chicken ka ek hi ho sakta hain.Chicken Biryani"

Youngsters from the more "hippy" parts of the city (read Yo Yo guys) have been calling it “Chick hi duniya”. Apparently, these guys got sick as soon as they got a wink from a hot chick and started screaming “This chick is my world”. Looking at the actual causes of the disease, they may be totally off target, but this excuse has worked miracles in front of their parents who have readily agreed to give ‘em all the money they want to pursue their “chick” so as to get cured. Silly, isn’t it !

Friend:Hey dood! how'z your chick hi somethin??
Guniya patient: Yo yo man!! It hurts in the arse maaan.Yo!

Calling it “Chicken Dhun-iya”, there have also been reports of some tech savvy people contracting this disease by receiving phone calls on GSM mobile phones; they seem to have heard a “cock-a-doodle-doo” tune from the other side, but these reports are yet to be confirmed. All Reliance users have been cautioned to not download any ringtones with the words “Chick” or “Dhun” in them , for the fear of getting this dreaded disease.

While their research almost came to an end, PSR found a good deal when a doctor in Hyderabad offered him an Hair Transplant for Rs 6 a follicle instead of the usual RS 26 per follicle . So, he left the research midway for his surgery.Meanwhile Abhay is back to Hi-tech city unraveling the mysteries of "Sexy -Flex.".Both of them had an important warning for all the readers here. People who fail to comment in their blogs from now on will contract Chickun Biryani err Dhuniya err Dhaniya err ya, Guniya.So, people go flood in the comments while i Deepu will take your leave.

(*)-Names changed

---------
Co-authored (mostly) by PSR and (a little) by Abhay. Visit Abhay's blog.
---------

!!!

2006-06-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

I found this post on the net.Beautiful. Thought i should share it with you.

Godavari- 4.9/5 , Pokiri- 4.5/5

2006-06-16T00:58:00.000-07:00

So then, two new posts on the same day and i am back to this crowded internet cafe to post my second post after watching two good movies :Godavari and Pokiri. People might be surprised to see Godavari rated higher than Pokiri. Let me explain.

Godavari -
What a movie it was ! Excellent !! Shekhar kammula creates magic again. I liked his previous movie Anand but this one beats it, if u ask me. Lovely movie !!!. The one word to describe this movie would be "pleasant". I am not a film critic to dissect and analyse the movie scene by scene but lemme describe the experience. I dont get tickets for free, so have to stand in long queues to get one. I didn't have to do that for Godavari because there were not many takers for the 10:30 PM show. So, walked in peacefully with the ticket (went to the movie alone). Sat back watching all the good looking gals with their boy-friends slowly walking down the aisles.

So Pre movie experience- full marks.

The movie began without the mandatory AIDS campaign advertisement. You can't ask for a better start. Can you? Then you have the movie. Let me tell you; from the first scene to the last scene of the first half the movie was beautiful. Dialogues were excellent , so was the music, and so were the locations.The first half was UBER-COOL.

Score till now: 5/5.

Second Half : Same peaceful pace, the dog sequence was superb, the heroine was beginning to look sexy, the hero insane but nevertheless i was loving the movie .Then, the hero Sumanth danced. So, -0.05 for that and then the unneccesary fight sequence in between attracts another -0.05 . Rest, was a dream.

Final score line: 4.9/5.

I intentionally did not give out the storyline ,because i want you to watch the movie. I don't actually know whether it was inspired from Titanic or another old telugu movie 'Andala ramudu' ,but let me tell you, the movie was excellent. Afterall, who cares if you liked the movie so much. In the end, it was one of those movies you can walk in alone ,watch it and walk out feeling - " Am at peace with my life ".

Final word: An absolute-must-watch.

-----

Pokiri - Let me take an alternative approach to this movie.

Had to toil for the tickets.

Pre movie experience: 4.8/5

The film had the following things that worked to its advantage:

1.Puri jagannath has great style.
2.Vulgar dialogues for the masses.
3.Too much violence also for the masses.
4.Great songs.

The primary reason for the stupendous success of pokiri as i see it : Gals are flocking to the theatres to see Mahesh Babu and the guys, Ileana. Pokiri proved again that the next superstar in Tollywood is Mahesh babu. He has great looks, can act superbly well. No second thoughts on that. He can make a mediocre movie look great. So all your money's worth only his action, anything else is a bonus.

For all its violence and routine whatever : 4.5/5

To sum it up:
Mahesh babu will be buying a lot more of those Mercedes Benz's after this movie ,probably worth 50 lakhs each ,but Ileana's Bends-- PRICELESS. [:p]

Of Shopping, Hyderabadi Biryani and "The Angrez"

2006-06-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

Aaha, Awesome. Am back in Hyderabad after a long five and a half month semester and the last few days have been great.This is the first time that none of my friends are in Hyderabad during my short stay here. My elder sister came down to see me along with her two lil daughters Sneha and Srija. The first few days with them was fun except that i had to watch Pogo and Cartoon network all day with Sneha while the cute one and a half year old Srija pulled my spectacles and made weird shapes out of it. She made what she thought was a spoon, then a long snake and then two shorter snakes. So,my poor spectacles is now no more.

Third day was even more eventful. I accompanied my sister for her shopping. I didn't know what she was going to shop, but agreed to accompany her nevertheless. First we went to this shop named Meetal matching centre. Gals staying in and around chikkadpally should know it, perhaps. What a place to visit i thought . There were all these gals and women shopping for their matching blouses , pretty coats [:P] etc etc and here i was, the lone man standing in the crowd confused. It doesn't stop there. I have to give my opinon on the green blouse piece with golden peacocks on it. I told my sis that it was good and it would go well with her saree. She doesn't like it because the peacock's beak, it seems is too long for her liking. Beak?? Too long??. ..Ayyyyaaadddaaa... . Now you know why shopping with a gal is not easy. You will have seven shades of green and yellow to choose from.Twenty two types of birds to choose.Four types of the bird's feathers. Phew!! choosing the right option in CAT is easier. Next was the jewellery store , then the school uniforms for Sneha and then finally the Vegetable Mandi. Quite a shopping it was.

How can you leave Hyderabad without having it's chicken biryani. Bawarchi- not one more time i thought and the next day i was on a lookout for a Hyderabadi restaurant i have not visited. Ironically,i have not been to 'Cafe Bahar' a very famous restaurant or cafe (whatever you may choose to call it) very close to my place in Himayatnagar.So went to Cafe Bahar had nice dinner with chicken,pan and all. The Miyas there were great. Miyas i mean, the waiters. They wont respond to anything like "excuse me" and "waiter".Only "Miya" will work. Lovely you see.You get the feel of Hyderabad when you say that-Proudly Hyderabadi.

Next on my agenda was to buy myself a new pair of shoes. The previous ones were stolen u see.Thought i should replace an Adidas with an Adidas.Was off to the Banjara hills Adidas show room and was done with the shopping within fifteen minutes. It would have taken a fortnight had i my sister accompanied me. She would have complained about the logo perhaps -"The three slant lines don't look good. why aren't they straight??" .Thankgod i went alone and now i have my new pair of shoes.

Now the movies- For people who din't know ,"The Angrez" is a pakka Hyderabadi movie. The last time i was here, i watched this movie and i absolutely loved it. Funky Comedy, sexy lingo. All in all an awesome movie. I am trying to find a VCD of this movie in Hyderabad for the past one week and have not yet succeded. My friends want me to get Bawarchi biryani for them on my flight back to Ahmedabad on 22nd. I know for sure it would be more fun having bawarchi with "The Angrez" playing on screen in the hostel. So people in Hyderabad; if u know where i could get the VCD, please let me know.

I should be going now because i have booked tickets to watch movies back to back- 'Godavari' and 'Pokiri' . So, probably will back with their four-line-reviews. Ciao.

P.S:Dont mind the typos , the keyboard here in this net-centre is killing me.

To be or not to be ...

2006-05-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

After two and a half weeks of cramming, running and dancing around in formals, finally made it to Infosys and Mahindra British Telecom (now Tech Mahindra). Both these jobs will pay me enough to buy me a McChicken Maharaja everyday, along with a coke every saturday. So, no regrets on that front. Also,I have deleted my orkut account yesterday. So can't do my regular profile browsing, thanking and socialising stuff. So here it goes; thankyou all who wished me success.

The last two weeks were so very stressful with all the companies flooding the campus and we having to attend interview after interview to get placed in our so called dream company. Things were getting too difficult to handle. The heat, the huge round sweat mark on my brand new shirt, trying to look comfortable when you are actually not, lying to every interviewer that his company was my dream company, asking him questions that actually did not make any sense. All this did not leave a good taste behind.

A little bit of introspection and the Sidin-interview made me realise i was a bit too caught up in the competiton. For those who didn't know, Sidin Vadukut is a freelancer and an IIM-A alumnus who was here at DA-IICT a couple of months back to conduct a quiz . The guy is doing it all from writing books, to blogging to an online magazine. I first saw him at a quiz in Ahmedabad and he has been an inspiration ever since. Coming back to the placements, a job after graduation is not what i am looking at. Rather, I want to do an official quiz one day, lead a protest march demanding the death sentence of Narendra Modi, do stand-up comedy at stage shows, date a couple fo genuinely good looking girls, watch unhealthy amounts of television before i finally start a very small company of my own.

Writing programs is not something i want to do. I want to live life on my own terms. Not that i hate working as a subordinate or like i hate co-operating . A little bit of fame and a comfortable life is what i want. It may sound hopelessly romantic or too distantly utopic while you are reading this but still...

Leaving the placements behind, things have got a lot better in the last few days. Couple of hours of trivia collection , an hour of Pj's on my hostel mates , an extremely boring book on procrastination, upma, lemon rice and lemonade are keeping me busy all day.

Tagged...

2006-05-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

May 10th i said.May 13 th it is.I wrote a couple of exams the day before, pretty long ones .So thought i will continue writing .So, here i am writing for the first time after a long time and for the first time when it didn't actually come naturally to me.
Abhay has got his own Tag-dom now. Reliable sources say,he has tagged 27 of us .Way to go, Abhay.So, i am supposed to put down my most embarrissing moments.Umm let's see...

"THE MOMENTS" in chronological order:

1.Long back

When i was in the 6th standard , one girl from my class brought her slam book to school and asked me to fill it up.It had this question- "Most embarrassing moment?". I didn't know what embarrassing really meant .I thought it was on the lines of the happiest moment or something and so i wrote "When i first met you".
She never talked to me again.

2.Recently

Dropped into a huge huge mall , which was like 4 miles long , 2 miles wide and 8 floors tall. Walked a couple of miles , found a cute sales girl and thought i will do some talking. So pulled out the nearest pink denim trouser and asked her "Excuse me. How much does it cost?? It really looks great .Must be perfect for me". She gave a deprecating smile and said "Yes sir , great trouser. Will look perfect on any good looking gal. This is the girl's section. For men's trousers, go to the sixth floor , turn right, walk half a kilometer and then ask someone else". Embarrassed i was and said "How much does it cost to travel to the men's section??"

3.Very recently :-
For those who didn't know ,Sneha is my cute,sweet five year old niece.

Scene1:

Sneha: Where did you go?

Me: Cutting.

Sneha :What did he cut?

Me:obviously hair..

Sneha: So say hair-cut. My teacher told me the other day.

THUDDD!!!!!(It was like i was thrown down from the fifth floor)

Me:I know that.Wanted to know whether you knew it.

Sneha:I think you should bathe now.

ME:ohhh! nice, i will do that.

Must thank her for correcting me, i later corrected atleast a dozen others.

4.Very Very recently:

I saw a girl playing cricket with her gang of boys. She was playing real good and used an english willow bat. Nice bat it was. The girl was a real tomboy. She hollered at the guys like "Abey [expletive] .Behen ke [expletive] .Kadhe hoja .Teri [expletive] [expletive] ko ek kardhunga".
I went upto her and said: "Teri bat accha hai".All the guys around started laughing??.I didn't know why??
It got her started again.She started screaming at me "Abey [expletive] ,hindi bolna aatha hai to bol, nahi tho [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] ".

I had to run for cover. Finally managed to hide behind a Maruti omni.

Did i say anything wrong??

Phew!! So much for my embarrassing moments. Will be back with Jilla Jigiri.

2006-04-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

People, am caught up with vivas , assignments and some indispensable academic commitments :P .So will not be able to post till May 10th.
Bye till then.

Just for the record

2006-04-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

This is the first time i am writing a post before the last one actually sinks in. The post is about one such thing very close to my heart, cricket. If there is one thing that i enjoy and am really proud of ; it is my cricket.
Of late i may be boasting of cheering Juventus or Villareal or ManU for that matter this season , just because it sounds glamarous or because it makes me one in those elusive groups of the college .But, let me confess, cricket still to me, is the best game ever played. I like cheering players in trousers rather than in shorts. It's the other way round for women, i like female athletes in 1) Tinies 2) Micro-minnies 3) Nothing at all.

Writing a eulogy for the game of cricket is difficult. So, i have decided not to do that. Instead we will discuss the weird records in cricket. This idea struck me when my friend told me ,India broke the record for the highest number of consequitive wins, batting second.You have a record for anything you do on and off the field, i thought.

-Wankhede holds the record for being the first ground on which Tendulkar sneezed.

-Saeed anwar was the first player to be mistaken for a terrorist and was thrown out of the field by his own team mates.

-Ganguly is the first player to hit the ball to slips, when the ball was 3 feet further away on the legside. No wonder he is the God on the Off side.

-Mpumelelo Mbangwa as the most abusive name in cricket. I pronounce it as mooh-may-lelo-Bangwa. Other people prefer Pommie Mbangwa.For people who didn't hear his name, he is an experienced zimbabwean cricketer who played 1 oneday international and 2 days of test cricket before he retired.

-Shoaib Akthar as the only player who pissed on the field, in the worldcup match against India.This caught him napping while the crowd was clapping.

-Paul Adams of South-Africa as the first polio patient to play international cricket.Many people still consider Murlitharan to be the first, but ICC has clarified it is Paul Adams.

-South Africa as the team which played most number of rain affected matches.

-Mohammed Kaif for taking more number of catches than his aggregate runs ,including domestic cricket.Great going kaif, you deserve a place atleast for this.

-Kasprowich as the 76th player, whose career was almost brought to an end by Sachin Tendulkar.

-Shivnarine Chanderpaul for digging the biggest hole on the pitch. They have stronger bails when chanderpaul is playing. He broke a total of 19 bails while digging holes before he bats.

These are too technical if you ask me. You don't have to know all these details to enjoy the game.Talking of technicalities,when i was in school we used to have this guy named Bujanna with whom we played cricket in our apartments.We used to play in the parking lot where we could barely manage a full length pitch and this guy used to ask me to field at 17 degrees to the right of deep midwicket, which generally meant under or over a yellow Fiat.He asked us to hit over the fineleg which actually didn't exist in the garage we played.I played it back to him and said "The ball is nipping back into me at the rate of 14 degrees/sec , so i played it back 45 degrees to the right of midoff" which loosely translates to "I had to play it straight."

To call for a run , he used to shout "C'mon run to the other side of the pitch before the fielder throwns in ..blah blah blah" before he ran himself out because he couldn't ground that o.6th inch of his bat in time .That is what he told me. Once he asked me to learn the lemon-cut ,supposedly a cricketing shot and you must have guessed what i did the next day.He asked us to play the backward defensive shot with the bat at an angle of 45 degrees to the superior venacava.

Oh my god, what a techie he was. I think he is now teaching geometry in a reputed institute near that cricket coaching centre in Narayanguda.

This is all for the records and the technicalities of cricket. Next post on "Dynamics of a disorder in which strongly felt ethical and altruistic impulses are perpetually warring with extreme sexual longing often of perverse nature." which in common man's language is LOVE.

I can't....

2006-04-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

Done with my second mid-sem ,so wanted to write on innumerable topics ranging from vegetable-tanned leather to Brajwashi's roti.Although both very alike, in the end decided to write on niether.

Talking about the mid-sems, thought i did reasonably well but when the answers were out, i learnt i screwed it up. Again.
Things just not going my way these days.I just cannot do anything right in the first attempt.It's been so bad that i can't get even the word verification right on blogger.

I don't seem to be appreciating anything good. Manish Arora has been voted the best Indian designer and even his sarees look like rich embroidery curtains to me. Things i appreciate like, wardrobe malfunctioning and breast popping , are being probed into by the Maharashtra government.

I can't play anymore. My table tennis has reached it's nadir literally with the ball rolling on the table or flying over the opponent's head all the time. It's like each time i hit, i have to run, pick up the ball and give it to the opponent to serve and say " Sorry yaar. Last time. Don't stop playing with me.Pleasee". He serves again and i return ..WWHHAACCKK.... ball flies off, run, pick up the ball and deliver the same dialogue.
Coming to badminton, i don't seem to get rid of my unorthodox double-handed-one-legged backhand because of which i lose 15-1, 15-2.5 to girls. (that 0.5 is for my relentless running round the court without looking at the girl).

I can't call anyone ,anymore.Hutch people reduce my balance at their own will. I don't make any calls and all of as sudden i recieve a message saying "Dear customer, we have changed our colour to pink and so an amount of Rs 5o has been deducted from your balance" . I replied to him saying "Don't change your colour again,ever". Don't be surprised if you get a message from Hutch saying "Today is a bright sunday , the sky is blue and grass is green ,so we are deducting 20Rs from your balance " or "Our dog cheeka is ill ,so we are deducting your entire balance. Thankyou for your cooperation".

I cannot code. It's project submission time and i am helpless . Our leaders call for a meeting every six hrs. The other day my roomie got a mail from his group leader saying "The meeting is rescheduled to a different time i.e 9:30 PM same place, same time.".
Rescheduled to same place , same time..??!!.That is why you must code less .

I'm not the Sports representative anymore.My term ends this 15th and must say i enjoyed the last one year. It was fun measuring the dimensions of our ground with a 1 metre scale and to mark the boundaries while my batchmates poked fun at me calling me the labour committee secretary. No complaints, afterall i owe it to them. Thank you people for your co-operation and so Rs 50 will be charged from each of you for the party. [:)]

That's it for this post. I should leave before i receive a message saying they deducted 50 rs from by balance for writing a post.

Fresh Updates

2006-03-24T02:07:00.000-08:00

My first mid-sem results are out. They have been the worst in three years . i saw my answer sheet, only to learn i was doing great in quant- 12*8 became 76 and 12*64 became 708. Got a total of 7 on 20, four as partial marking and 3 for writing my roll number, course and Date right. I lost one mark for not writing my full name which anyway wouldn't have fit in the space provided.Believe me , it reads Pogul Sai Raghava Chaitanya. Will not blame my parents. After all they bought me this monitor, CPU and keyboard and most importantly my 4+1 high fidelity speakers which give better experience than Bose if you are listening to Telugu songs from the film "Bangaram".

It was time to spend some time with the text books, i thought and i left to the library only to end up reading Business world.
I was browsing through the pages and i realised that condom manufacturers were sponsoring articles on Emran hashmi.
Nice business model you see .The manufacturers are happy because they feel Emran Hashmi is the perfect ambassador keeping in mind the fact that it will me Hasmi's 1254th kiss in his forthcoming film .This includes 234 girls in his school days and a coupla male directors in bollywood.

Emran Hashmi reminds me of an another extremely talented guy named Himesh Reshamiyya . A research revealed that Jeepdrivers in Gujarat do not have passengers these days because of his latest song "Auwww jawww Auwww jawww" (with a nasal twang) which they play very often.
The tamil Nadu police have now confirmed , they are going to use the remix of "Auwww Jaww" by the southern music director Vidyasagar as ,what they call seventh degree torture for all those people campaigning against Miss. Jayalalitha who is busy laying marble floors for temples these days.
Frankly speaking, i heard "Auwww Jaww" for the first time when my roomie played it and i thought he was watching that bilingual telugu-mallu porn movie my friend gave me the other day.It was titled "Valliemmavan kandukondein entra?".

The news is that,India too will have its own National spelling-bee championship to be hosted by the renowned Giri subramaniam also known as pickbrain .The eligibilty supposedly is ,first you should be able to spell the host's name and then the mallu-telugu porn mentioned above.

Movies to books-Mr.Natwar singh supposedly experimented with his new book "Experiments with truth".Yes, "experiments with truth" ,after he was sacked as a minister.The experiment was such a success that the publishers celebrated its silver jubillee recently ,in the sense that the book sold 25 copies world wide , 24 in India including all his relatives' and one in Iraq. Must be his nephew.
Congrats Sir, on your great success.

In another experiment, India won the TT gold in the commonwealth games beating Singapore 3-2 in the finals . All Singapore players experimented playing with their opposite hand but the Indian contingent emerged victorious.
In yet another experiment Rahul Dravid chose to field on a flat wicket in the final test against England which the visitors eventually won . The experiment proved "Every dog will have its day if Rahul Dravid takes the wrong decision" :P

Those were the updates for this time. Catchya later. ;)

P.S: All my northie batchmates, ya all four of them were unhappy with my last post. Sorry people. So, MASSES is now open to all.

Attention people : Admission Notice

2006-03-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

It's done and is now official . I have instituted a new not-for-profit organisation named MASSES. I have had this idea for the past
two years and it is now i have realised it is the right time to make it official.

MASSES for Male, Available, Single, South-indian, EngineerS . We people at MASSES are the most selfless people on the face of the earth who have no girlfriends, do not know how it feels to date a girl, are unhopeful and have resigned .
MASSES will be an autonomous body of men working for the welfare of a deprived species called single-men. MASSES promises best placements to its members as all the employers believe Single-men work best as they do not have any life of their own and hence the employers are ready to pay rupees 25 per annum as bonus.(We are in the process of bargaining to make it 27)

Not every tom,dick and harry are eligible to join this great institution. You must be born with it. What is "it" still remains to be a question which we will address in our official meeting after u get admitted .

Firstly, you need to undergo this test in order to gain eligibilty for admission .

Follow the instructions strictly before attempting. Remember your future is at stake.

1)Take printout of this paper. if u cannot afford it i'm sure there are many single guys around who have already got it printed. So photocopy it.
2)Do not draw arbit shapes or show your frustation on this poor sheet of paper.
3) The star question is an elimination question. If you do not answer and undersign it you will be straight away rejected.
4)Only one option is correct

Q1) Fill in the missing letters- Pu_ _y , A_ _ hole.

a) ss, ss b) nt, nt

c) nn, nn d) ff, ff

Q2) What comes to your mind when someone says "36-26-36"

a) Length, breadth, b)36-26-36=-26.
height of cuboid.

c) Pamela Anderson d)Fermats last theorem.
or some supermodel .

Q3) Most romantic movie you have seen?

a)Titanic b)SMS

c)Cannibal d)My parents wont allow me to see them.
holocaust

Q4)* If I=9, a=1 , m=13, n=14, o =15, t=20 , g =7, a =1, y=25.

Rewrite the sentence below decoding the numbers and sign below .

I hereby declare that - (9) (1)(13) (14)(15)(20) (7)(1)(25).

Ans:_____________________________
sign:______________

You would be selected only if u get all correct and if u think you got all right it's the time to celebrate. All ppl in college campuses, go do a celebration run screaming around your college ground and rest of them run around the nearest char-rasta. It will be both celebration and publicity..

This is just a notice . So no details .For further details contact:

PSR Chaitanya (16 years experience, being single)
DAIICT
Ahmedabad
India.

P.S: Do not give blank calls to our office ,because we got sick trying them all our lives and somehow believe that they do not work. ever.
.

Mehta Towers, Street no ?, Ashok Nagar, Hyderabad -?.

2006-03-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

Hi folks, it's been great week so far with no lectures and no labs . Hours of chatting ,movies,sports and a few hours of Quizzing.

Ah quizzing !. I have been doing a lot of quizzing in the recent past and especially this semester, which includes standing second in IMS quotient , seventh in TATA crucible apart from co-ordinating a couple of quizzes this Synapse.

I attended this quiz yesterday called the Brand equity corporate quiz which was supposed to be hosted by the very famous Derek o brein himself. We went to the open air venue , when the prelims had already started and to our surprise we found a lady hosting the prelims. It was a very drab prelims except for that one statement she made- "Hey audience! It is getting dark and the weather is beautiful .So we will have fun".People don't get excited. She only meant ,they could use the projector when it gets dark and so the finals could start with Derek o brein on stage.
On stage it looked more like a standup comedy show by Derek than a quiz. Derek could have easily given Sunil Pal a run for his money (with due respect to Derek). After a lot of ridiculous comedy , it was Torrent who pulled it off in the end.

Quizzing takes me back to 1994 when i as a school student started attending quizzes. Once we had this quiz by "Uncle pai" of Amar chitra katha fame, where all the participants had to forma queue and uncle pai asked them questions when they reached the stage . If u answer the question u join the queue again or else ur out. The final person standind wouls win the quiz.The queue used to be so very long that while one end was on stage in public gardens, Nampally , the tail was at Lakdi- ka- pool half a mile away.

Such used to be the interest in quizzing among us and especially me and Mallanna , my neighbour in our apartment, we were uncrowned galli quizzing champions.We used to have quizzes in our apartment with partipants from class1 to class 4 . We had mind boggling questions like : "How many floors does the adjacent apartment Jalladi Towers have? " . Then after a lot of thinking and passing we would come down to the right answer 5. The quiz master was generally some granny in the apartment and used to ask questions like "Why do you shout "kaaaaaaaate" when u cut a kite during pongal? " . "What is atthambaji and manja?" and what we meant when we called each other " jaaako" . Those questions were quite easy until one day he asked us ,the galli champions this question - "Which street do we live in? ". After lot of discussion we understood the question was about which galli we lived in .Galli champions actually did't know their own galli. What an embarrasment!! We answered "ramu uncle bakery galli" . No one could answer the question that day and finally the quiz master gave out the answer.Then i knew we lived at Mehta Towers,Ashok Nagar, Street No 9 , Hyderabad-500020.

This reminds me of one more question asked recently in one of the quizzes and the guy who answered gave a funky answer.
What's common to Alicia Silverstone and Silverstone F1 track in GB?
Answer came : Both have great curves.:).
Actually it had to do something with the silverstone family owning share in the circuit.

Quizzing is fun but here atleast in DAIICT people show no or rather very less interest in quizzing.Looks like we need another "Uncle Pai" or "Galli Granny " quiz here, to boost the partipation in the quizzes we conduct.

Presenting "Boxes 2008 Pre-Release"

2006-03-12T05:37:00.001-08:00

Was a very exhausting day yesterday. Two continous hours of english grammar, past participle, past present continous, simple past, perfect present and fucked up future.

Donno what it was all about but finally the class got over at 8 PM. Felt very exhausted and so walked down to have my favourite panipuri at a nearby stall. Actually ,here u get panipuri in six different flavours and this guy who serves them yells their names before serving them. I have tried many times to figure out what he shouts but i only manage to fail each time.This time around i could manage to get three words : 1.Adrak 2.Pani 3.Poodi. English grammar was lot easier i thought. If i was a grammarian ,i would definetely have a tense named fuked up future.When u have simple and perfect you need to have this too for people like me.

Got back to college in an auto rickshaw which travelled at the speed of, i suppose a shade more than the inverse of the velocity of light. It was 9.30 when i reached my room, the best place on earth :). My computer was there , waiting for me. I logged on to the net and started chatting with my roommate who was sitting just opposite my chair. When you have no one to chat, atleast do this. Then this girl , a very very old friend of mine added me on the messenger. Ahh! she used to be a beauty, the most sought after gal in the school. First thing that came to my mind, why did she add me?? . Then i thought i should stop thinking and start talking. I did, and in jus 6 min and 24 sec i got bored. She was really boring. I spoke all crap and she responded with more crap and suddenly i receive this message - "I Love you". I was spell bound, i was beginning to get cold feet not knowing how to react..Omg first time in my life a gal had an opinion about me. Now what????

Then this message appears on my chat window - "Sorry, was not for you.Was for my boy friend". Bullshit..why does this always happen to me. I thought of killing myself watching that 3rd grade telugu movie named "SMS".I knew one would die if he watches that movie.. Then i get another message- "wrong BOX". "BOX" i wondered. What was that supposed to mean. Then after a lot of thinking i realised she meant "wrong window"..Aaha what a brainy girl. Box for window.. Now i thought Bill gates should kill himself after this. wrong BOX....Then you would have Boxes 98, Boxes 2003 and Boxes XP. An update would read " A new patch for your boxes" and an introductory offer like -"Boxes 2008 in a new colourful box with no holes". Intel would advertise "Intel inside for your box". News like "Gates declares: "i can't tell you whats in the new BOX" " .You would have someone asking "How is your Box??". yuk..In the first place i think windows is an egregious name for an operating system and now i think "Boxes" is the worst it can get...

Ohh! my friend says Australia scored 400 runs in 47 overs. Three overs to go. i have to rush to the TV room...Bye.

BTW forgot to tell you, i am happy it was in the wrong BOX.

Dateing

2006-03-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl, i am not one of those regular bloggers u see around here. I seldom write and all my posts will be outstandingly bad.The title of this post must be an indication, but wait don start abusing me for naming it dateing and not dating because our super secure proxy in the college blocks words like dating , GAYatri and CHATrapathi for no reason at all. And forgot to tell u, i like to be self demeaning.. wanna know more?? so read on..

My friend iqbal dates twice a day. He calls it fast dating...

Another friend named saladi dates every possible gal on the planet,but his dreams are as far as he can get.

HE calls it Dream dating....

Another friend pallula rahuli flirts with every gal on the net.
He calls it Online dating...

And i,,,,have dated only once ,when i was ,lemme see, ya ..when i was in the first standard , a gal named ponagotivari venkata lakshmi. I still remember we both went after school to an icecream bandi (as we used to call it)in street no 12,our school was in street no 9. Quite a long walk u see by primary school standards ;and had a 50 paise pepsi(not the cola drink pepsi but it used to be a , i must say coloured ice wrapped in a plastic cover)and to add to that,we managed to get 2 pepsis free when we tried our luck on the lottery wheel the bandis usually had. So could manage to return only after an hour , to see our parents waiting for us at the school gate and to get screwed later.....

That is as far as i can remember of my last date..its been 15 years and some months .This is what i call Carbon dating .[:(]